Innocent English

(to an old couple)I lost a penny. Have you seen it? It has a picture of Lincoln on it. You know? The president when you were in high school. Dylan: I’ll need it by tomorrow. Jeweller: That will cost extra. Dylan: And isn’t it great how that works out for you. ‘Cause it really could have gone either...

‘The crown of the earth doth melt, and there is nothing left remarkable beneath the visiting moon.’ I think I know that. 1. Where were you? 2. Out with a friend 1. Do you FUCK all your friends up against trees! i could never just say what i mean paulie..you know that. She can never find out Listen...

1) do you have a girfriend? 2)HAD a girlfriend. she lost some weight so she’s dating a lot more now. 1) Florence Nightingale, what was Kafka saying about free will versus destiny? 2) I don’t think it’s about free will versus destiny. 1) You don’t? Would you mind telling us what it is about? 2)...

Jay Adams: Now Give Kitty. Jay Adams: Now Give Me Kitty. Jay: You wan’t to blow me? Skip: I mean how many sixteen year old surfers you see wearing a wrist watch, man. Craig: Yeah well, he’s got a job. Skip: Yeah, my point exactly. He’s not one of us, man. He’s not a pirate. Chino: Hey where ya...

–But in the Iran-Iraq war, you sold guns to both sides. –Did you ever consider that I wanted both sides to lose? –We’re with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. –Let me guess…This isn’t about the alcohol or tobacco? All I’ve done is be born At four & a half months old, a human foetus has a...

#1) I’m up to 3 already! #2) I’ve got 16! #1) Toss me. #2) what? #1) I cannot jump the distance you’ll have to toss me….don’t tell the elf. #1) We should just leave him. #2) No!! That would kill us! #1: We ain’t had nuffin but maggoty bread for THREE STINKING DAYS! #2: Shyeah! Why can’t we have...

Éomer : You should not encourage him. Éowyn : You should not doubt him. Éomer : I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his arm (picks up frodo) (Crying) Sam: Do you remeber the shire,Mr. Frodo? Ms. Spring Soup? The Orchards will be in blossom and the birds will be nestin and the haze il...

To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall and wind may blow But there still be many miles to go Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain And the stream that falls from hill to plain Better than rain or rippling brook Is a mug of beer inside this Took ! 1)One does not simply walk into Mordor....

Frodo: I can’t do this sam! Sam: I know, its all wrong, by right’s we should’nt even be hear, but we are. It’s like in the great stories mr.frodo,the ones that really mattered, full of darkness and danger they were,and somtimes you didnt want to know the end because how can the end be happy, how...

#1: My auntie says I can’t swim, on account of my ass-mar. #2: Sucks to your ass-mar! *singing* kiri kiri kiri kiri eleison *stares intently at the pigs head on a stick* Eat Shit and Die! – Jack Haha I’m a big bad fly!!! Muwhahaa I don’t know what happened. We did everything like adults i think the...

Nix: I’ve got so much power to give you, Swann. All you have to do is…beg. Nix: Are you ready for my wisdom? Nix: I could eat your fucking soul,Swann. Nix: I was born to murder the world Nix: You don’t think I’ve got it to give Nix: You’re wrong None of you are worthy, only dove is, you all just...

–You don’t want to live forever, do ya? –I wouldn’t mind making the average male North American life expectancy. –You’re signing my death warrant! –Harry, don’t use cliches, alright? We have no respect for you if you use cliches. -Aren’t you going to go in and see what’s wrong with him? -I’d rather...

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Here are some of the worst bad pickup lines ever.  Some are stupid, some are dumb, some are– well, If you like cheese, you’ll love some of these very cheesy pick up lines. We can’t imagine any of them actually working, unless they are said with a twinkle in the eye that says “Hey, Know this is a...

Here is a collection of the top 50 best sweet pickup lines and chat up lines for picking up guys or girls at a bar. Sure, some of them are way too cheesy, but sometimes cheesy mixed with sincerity does have a sweetness and vulnerability to it… of course, as we all know, in the end, it’s not the...

–Teaching’s a waste of time. I’m writing a novel. –Isn’t everybody. –Getting divorce too. –Isn’t everybody. ah yes…LOVE! All boys..all perfect Confession may be good for the soul, but it’s bad for sex. Don’t ask me to stay until tomorrow. His & hers towels, his & hers vibrators…. I’m alone. I’m not...

she’s eating her spaghetti with a fork and spoon…what a dickhead!! 1.Josie, get back in the car! 2.Fuck your driving, your a shit teacher anyway! 1) I modelled that Dress once, i was going to buy it but i found something better. 2) It’s a good thing you didnt it needs to be held up in the right...

… twinkle twinkle little superstar….. 1) So crew, being an ex-football star, I’m sure you got a lot of hot ass on the outside. 2) Let’s not forget I wasn’t the most popular guy in the world. 1) Don’t give me that shit, OJ chopped his wife’s head off and got some ass. 1. Who we gonna crush? ALL: THE...

All right. I am not Eisenhower. I am an assistant division commander. I don’t know from nothing. But he can’t call it off again. An old top sergeant said it differently. “Get your ass up that hill!” he bellowed in his best parade-ground voice. “ Thank God for the navy!” came the message...

Breezin’ Along With The Breeze. Glass in the door so you don’t have to open it. Im not moving this trailer one inch further until you get rid of all these rocks. Madge’s Beauty Salon. No you wouldn’t let me finish, I was going there left.o say turn right Oh, Nicky im so sorry, im so sorry (Nicky)...