Innocent English

1) So the cosmic purpose of our meeting is for me to give you free advice? What do I get out of it? 2) We don’t know yet 1)Why wouldn’t your 8 year old self time travel 30 years to help you out? You’re obviously in trouble. 2) You think he’s here to help ME out? 1) Well of course! You didn’t think...

2 women: hey immmm i was just wondering if you could sign an autograph for owr son bysong. guy: well sure. 2women: ok tis B-Y-S- guy:ok all ready got it. 2 women:ok then?well immm thank you to:bing bong? I got Soccer Instructional DVD’s I like to keep ma pimp pants strong craker! ya feel me?!! ya...

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#1 David, That kid stole our camera #2 AGAIN!? #1 Do you notice there is a change in the air #2 Yeah it smells likes raw sewage in here #1 Thats seven right? #2 How many you kill in the kitchen? #1 Two #2 Thats six (continues to check out house, guy jumps out of a closest, they get into a fight #1...

do you want me to break my fucking leg? Don’t do it, Eric, Don’t do it. Don’t step there. dont worry Eric: You sure had it easy with mom in Europe. dad never let up.If i wasnt the best in every sport i played, he’d call me a loser. He was always on my case, but he made me strong. Kurt: you know...

–If I’d known you was gonna act this way, I never would have come here. –If I’d known what you were like, you wouldn’t have been asked. –Is this a robbery? –Yeah, Pop, we’re gonna steal all your towels. After livingh in the U.S.A. for more than thirty-five years they called me an undesirable alien....

1Fish for dinner last night? 2Harvey still smoking those cigars? 3Christ did a cow shit in here?? A, i want you. B, i need you. C i love you. B! Announcer: Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker. (Rex Kramer steps in the middle of large afro-Americans) Rex Kramer: NIGGGERRRS At Argon, we’re working to keep your...

(Father Brian) So, let me get this straight, you’re a catholic-muslim, with Jewish in-laws? (bartender) basically (From deleted scene.) BRIAN: (Drunk.) Bartender! I’ll have a pint of whiskey and a shot of your finest ale! (Jake and Brian)Well, jon, is this a good machine? (jon) yea it’s good, if...

1) Are you suggesting that there exists a law compelling gentlemen to lay hold of canine bowel movents? 2)I suggest you pick the poop up now! 1) Are you suggesting that there exists a law compelling gentlemen to lay hold of canine bowel movents? 2)I’m suggesting you pick the poop up now! 1) Because...

#1: But she’s blonde, isn’t she? #2: Yeah, she’s got blonde hair… #1: Hey look, the kid’s got a pet nip. #2: You know any tricks, kid? #1: Hey, who’s for warmin’? #2: No, not me, Man. I’ll pass. #3: Who you kiddin’ Johnny? You know you’re still the ace degenerate. #2: No, Man–EX-degenerate. 8 A.M....

#1: Live or die? #2: Die! #1: Wrong! (twists #2’s nose) –Are you expecting company? –Nah, refugee. –Refugee? Oh yeah, that’s great! From where? –Fresno. 1) No, I’m not gonna do it! 2) You have a choice: broken ice or broken neck. 1).You ever think about coming to America? 2). My home is here....

1: I’m not gonna fight. I can’t make me fight! 2: You don’t have to. You can just stand there and let him kick your ass!!! a) I’m not going fight. b) You don’t have to. You can just stand there and let him kick your ass! Ah, SMOG! Smells like home, huh Mr. Miyagi? Ah, SMOG!! By the time I get him...

assume crash position Benny: They’re termite mounds, i read about them in the book. Charlie: Careful Benny you almost MISSED ONE!!! Gotta go point Percy at the porcelain I am bola man!!! Luis: Oh, I almost ripped my lucky jacket Charlie: Oh whew, How could i forget that your wearing your LUCKY...

Where ya been doors,haven’t seen ya in a while When you first meet people all you notice are the differences between you and them, but as time passes you start noticing the similarities. I guess that’s how all friendships begin (Adele talking to a cactus) What can I name you? It can’t be Lucy,...

Alexandra: Sometimes I think nothing I do ever suits you. Don’t I ever do anything right? (To her critical, southern husband) Meagan: I can’t believe you married a senator. You have two beautiful children. You live in such a wonderful house. Alexandra: My wonderful house is more like a shrine to...

(bark bark bark) She says she doesn’t like it when you hide her favorite tennis shoe and she doesn’t hear so well on her…on her left side so don’t sneak up on her anymore. -What would you say if I told you I think you’re as human as I am? -I would say you’re in need of a thorazine drip, Doctor....

-There will be no more talk of surrendering to the Americans, it is treason, if you mention it one more time I will have you confined to your quarters. And you , you are the Commissar , representative of the party , responsible for crew morale… -Yes captain. -Then act like it. The crew need you to...

(repeated line) STUPID PEASANT!!! 1) I will hang you by your feet, servant! 2) No, no master! Not the feet! I prefer the thumbs. 1) Master, I have to peepee 2) Ah, you have to pee? Go outside! 1) But sire, the wolves will eat me! 2) Then take a torch Damn English wizards. Can’t do anything right. I...

(1) Excuse me. Hi! It worked, thanks! He knew how to fix my earring (2) That’s because he’s a little tulip! (1) Reptile, how many times have I told, ‘no animals in my gym class’? (2) I know Coach Morrison. Is just that I was afraid that if I left him in the locker the alligators might eat him....

(Door opens) 1: Shut the door bitch…2: (cracks the door open) you know there is a lock 1: Im clostrophobic (PETER) I’m not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese masters. (TOM) Well, I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass! 1) Get that junk...