Innocent English

-Are you afraid of anything, Tom Booker? -Of growing old. Being of no use. 1)You help people with horse problems? 2)No, I help horses with people problems. 1: I don’t have all the answers. 2: No, you just ACT like you do! How are you doing there in Marlboro country? I didn’t know that it was right...

(Holden to Wayne after he finds out SHE is a spy and not so dumb)Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! (William Holden to Wayne)I’ve had it with you section hand. Strip your blouse. An engineer! Why Colonel that must be fun, driving that big train, ringing that big bell. Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! Hay wait a minute....

#1 – Are you going my way? #2 – Sure. #1 – Well, you go my way and I’ll stay here. #1 – If this is a singing lesson, I’m a ring-tailed monkey. #2 – This *is* a singing lesson, and keep your family out of it. (In a canoe)I was gonna get a flat bottom but the girl at the boat house didn’t have one....

–$3000. –I just want to charter it. I don’t wanna buy it. –Does he bite? –Only people he doesn’t like. –I only bite people I like. –I could make a run for it, you know. –Come on, Yaskov. You running, me chasing? We’d look like Laurel and Hardy. –We’re having our picture taken. –That’s Follett. He’s...

#1 Tongue and groove. #2 Excuse me? #1 One matches the other. It fits perfect. …Beginnings are scary; endings are usually sad; it’s what’s in-between that counts… 1. Mom, weren’t you the Cream of Corn? 2. No, mommy was the Queen of Porn. 1:At home we had a pet skunk. Mama used to call it Justin...

I don’t know if it’ll make a diiference, but I figured it was time I started playing ball. There’s one more thing, coach stays, I stay, he goes, I go. –A man your age comes to a place like this, either he’s running away from something or he has nowhere else to go. –What I’m doing here has nothing...

GOOD NIGHT NEVERLAND What is this? Some kind of a Lord of the Flies preschool?! You Know That Place Betweem Sleep And Awake,Where You’re Still Dreaming? That’s Where I’ll Always Think Of You. Thats Where I’ll Be Waiting -*TinkerBell #1- One week and I’ll get him in shape and yo can have your...

–Anybody on this bus got a college education. –I do. Just graduated in June. –Good. Then you can get up and get us a beer. Anything that hurts this many people can’t be right. I’ve always been scared to death you’d get old before I grew up. Loving you is easier than anything I’ll ever do again....

1)My first question obviously – you’ve seen them together? 2)What? 1)You’ve seen them together your wife and Mr. Tyson? 1)My name Mahi. Mahi Mahi. 2)Like the fish? 1)Yeah. My father was a fisherman. 2)My father left home when I was 5. That’s why I’m named Jack, as in, ‘Jack tell your mother I’m...

–This is great exercise. –Yeah, why go to the gym when I’ve got a wicker chair? –You are dead meat, mister! –Gordon, you’re three-quarters of an inch tall. Now’s not the time. Baseball camp will pass, but science is always cool. You’ve reached the Szalinskis. At the sound of the beep, please leave...

–I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto. –I don’t think we’re in the food chain anymore, Dorothy. –We could be anywhere now. –I think we’re still in your yard. –How do you know? –Any other yard, the grass would be shorter. 1) Ready for some fishing? 2) Tubular! 3) He’s only twelve and already...

1. I blew up the baby! (Mrs. Szlanski faints. Nick appears from under the large Adam’s arm). 2. How did she take it? 1. About like usual. Adam:Big Bunny Charles, you’re fired. Dancing isn’t what you do- It’s who you are EVERYONE STAND BY NOW ATTENTION ALL CASINOS WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL TO TURN OFF YOUR...

Bitch! How you gunna play me like that?! Chaz: Besides, I never mess up a kid’s head, especially when his mom’s in the shop. Honey: [Chuckles] He’s eight. That would have made me 14. I’m not that kind of girl. Chaz: My bad. Honey: We just peoples. Raymond: Yeah, we peoples. Chaz: You peoples?...

A long time ago I made me a rule. I let people do what they want to do. A man ought to do what he thinks is right. End of a way of life. Too bad, it’s a good way. First she was afraid he’d stay…Then she was afraid he wouldn’t. I don’t guess people’s hearts got anything to do with the calendar. Like...

(running from a huge mountain lion) 1) I can’t believe I’m running from a cat! 2) I won’t tell if you won’t! 1) Of course, this isn’t your ordinary house cat! This is like Arnold Schwarzekitty! (running from a turkey) It’s Bird-zilla! *looking at someone’s rear end * Who is this ? Someone new ....

Dogs rule, cats drool. hey nobody messes with the cat but me sassy run yikes she’s mine back off oh my oh my oh my don’t lay a paw on her who’s gonna stop me oldtimer whoah hey do you know there’s long furry thing growing outta your butt it’s your tail genius yeow i’m warning you thanks for the...

Deanna: You wanna know what it means?… It doesn’t mean a god damn thing in the world… Erika: There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin! Busy: Of course not,they even wrote a song about it,Was it.. Bananarama?.. No!!! The Go go’s!! Our lips are sealed! Erika: Okay first off,ew,second it’s about a...

1)I’d like to be the father-to-be. 2)You can’t be the father and the brother at the same time! That’s the kind of thing that messes kids up! 1)I’ve always dreamed of being a big hit singer. 2)Oh, can you sing? 1)No, that’s why they call them dreams. dorian… have you ever heard of lamaze? I’m your...

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Here’s another good inspirational story: The Cleaning Lady During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely...