Innocent English

Here’s another good inspirational story: Hospital Windows Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Lesson from a Rainy Day August 26, 1999 is a day that many New Yorkers would probably like to forget. However, this New Yorker will always remember that day because that is the day that I learned what a powerful gift appreciation can truly be. On August 26,...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Keep Marketing You Rejection and job searching go hand in hand. As a writer, I can tell you something about disappointment. I had enough “reject” slips from New York publishers to start a bonfire. Then one day, an editor said, “Yes,” and my world was...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Just Do It Author Elbert Hubbard told the story of an incident during the Spanish-American War. It was imperative that the president get a message to the leader of the insurgents. His name was Garcia and he was known to fighting somewhere in the mountains of...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Jessie’s Glove I do a lot of management training each year for the Circle K Corporation, a national chain of convenience stores. Among the topics we address in our seminars is the retention of quality employees – a real challenge to managers when you...

–Walter, when you say ‘cash is king,’ what’s that mean? –Cash is the fossil fuel that keeps our economic pistons pumping. …and some things stay the same, like shovelling the turkey and stuffing the snow. …And Thanksgiving traditions like shoveling the turkey and stuffing the snow… Come on, where is...

– It’s really cold outside. You’re a pretty tough old bird – She knows I’m gonna be alone? What if she gets knocked up on iced tea, comes over and makes me smoke cigarettes? – I’m going Alex – Boredom? I hear it’s deadly in old folks 1. You hit my winkie! 2. Well, if you clean out your underwear...

Get out of here you nosy little pervert, Or ill slap you silly. (After getting the money from the toy store) Harry: Merry Christmas, Harry! Marv: Happy Hanukkah, Marv! (Harry)Nothing would trill me more then to shoot you but since we’re in a hurry, you throw down the camera, and you will never here...

#1 He was in the garage playing with the glue gun again.. #2 Did I burn down the joint?..I don’t think so, i was making ornaments out of fish hooks! #3 my NEW fish hooks?! #2 i can’t make ornaments out of the old ones, with dried worm guts stuck on em! #1 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark #2 your...

CICERO GRIMES MEET JOHN RUSSELL Grimes:) Smoke bother you? Audra:) Would you put it out if I said it did? Grimes:) Oh, yeah. My momma taught me to remove my hat and my cigar in the presence of a lady. Whatever else I take off depends on how lucky I get. Guess I brought my dirty laundry by mistake....

–Good people to know?–Not if you know them. –I’m Toni.–Just a poor girl with no last name. –Your very first paid acting role was in Gone With The Wind, the biggest picture ever?–That’s right. An actor can’t always act. Sometimes he has to work. Does the truth make them happier? I’m in the picture...

Amadeus…Amadeus…Amadu…we give that movie the finger (flipping off the camera)! Did I think that a man in a skirt could kick my ass?! Do 50 bullets in your ass make your day? Don’t say the word Drugs around the man. Dont mention the words cocaine or freebase neither, unless you got some.. Go Jehri!...

…the lawn at the Country Club dance was torn up…….someone urinated in the refreshments…..someone farted all over the gym…..played a lewd recording over the PA……and then someone went onstage and stuck his finger out in place of his dick or somethin’ 1. Did you hear about Jean Friedman? 2. No, what...

(1) How is it that everytime you say ‘yes sir’ it sounds more like ‘fuck you’? (2) Pratice. …wonder woman leaps up and says what the f**k was that? and the invisible man says I don’t know but my a**sehole is killing me! 1) How does it feel to be a ghost? 2) Ghosts are dead. I’m very much alive. How...

Be careful, it’s my heart. Come to Holiday Inn. Happy Holiday. Here, have a slug out of a mug. How could I stop him when I don’t know which way is Connect-i-cut? I can’t tell a lie. I’ll capture your heart singing. I’ve got plenty to be thankful for. If you want to look me up, you know where to...

(1) That one’s ready for marriage. (2) How do you know? (3) Pierced ear. He knows pain and he’s bought jewlery. 1) Hey, whats up? 2)Not my temperature. 1) PI 2)Puking incident. Some kid puked all over the shark pool. Anyway, I need you to clean it up for me right away. A.S.A.P. Alex- You know what...

#1) Hey, Theodore! Is there a place where I can fill my canteen up with water? [#2) snags #1)] Yo, my name is not Theodore! [throws #1) to the ground) It’s Armpit! [answered] There’s a water spigot over there. #1) Thanks, Armpit! #2) Whatever. #1) Hey, Theodore! Is there a place where I can fill my...

–I play games. I play post office. –Post office? That’s a kid’s game. –Not the way I play it. –Look, suppose I died and left you some money. What would you call that? –A miracle. –What kind of place was it? –Speakeasy. –Okay, what kind of place was it? –I just told you. Speakeasy. –I am speaking...

I’m gonna do what I gotta do to get the unions back! I’m gonna give you a piece of advice. Don’t ask for something if it’s a burden to you if you get it. Never let a stranger in your cab, in your house, or in your heart. Unless he is a friend of labor. That’s life, my friends. It’s give and take,...

Put her down or I’ll smash it (Max) Smash it and she dies (Winnie) ‘Tis a black river! *gasps* 1) He holds fire in his hands! 2) Now I summon you to the burning rain of DEATH. 1) Burning 3) burning rain 4) rain of death? -Why was I cursed with such idiot sisters? _Just lucky I guess 1) Ah, Billy...