Innocent English

…She’s got a v8 p***y and a cadillac ass! Aww look at his little faggoty bunny ears. Rabbits QUEER! clifford dumkin is the fat cocaine addict who lives down by my house. he’s into wife-swapping and sex parties. he gives girls cocaine and he fucks them in front of different kids in the neighborhood....

And now my friend, the first rule of Italian driving. Whatsa behind me (breaks rear view mirror off and tosses it behind him), is not important! Can you smell the Queen Marys butt Damn, I almost had it! Fifty-five is fast enough to kill you, but slow enough to make you think you’re safe. Gary...

–Let me see your movie. When can I see it?–You can’t. Because you have to wait in line like everyone else. All it took was a whisper. Anyone brave enough to come back to this town is a hero, David. Are they gonna kill you? Because everywhere I go I got these guys following me. It’s like a spy...

may i ask where your eggs are from? a hens vagina mice, basque separatist mice. MRS NICE: I breakfast thrown in? EDDIE: It depends who’s serving, sometimes I bring it on a tray. MRS NICE: Is breakfast thrown in? EDDIE: It depends who’s serving, sometimes I bring it on a tray. One of the funniest...

‘Cause I feel like a god-damn idiot calling you about a god-damn flower! 1: But this guy works for us and he’s GONE! 2: He works for me because I told your men to hire him and he’s STAYING! 1: How much are these? 2: This is Bobby in canned goods. Are you anywhere near the manger? We need a price...

–I thought you were going fishing…–What do you call this? He was a legend, of a man who lives beneath the sea. He was a fisher of men. A last hope for all those who have been left behind. He was known as the guardian. Hell I’ve always been old Ben, but you know what I don’t mind. If my muscles...

(repeated line) John: Hey, moron! Max: Yutz! 1) I see your cat crapped on my newspaper again. 2)Yeah, who says you can’t train a cat? 1. Damn it, im so grumpy. 2.SHOOT! me too. 1. Moron! 2. Putz! 1.)Hey im so damn grumpy. 2.)Im so damn grumpier. all we really have in life are the experiences...

(after Allie accidentally swallows a quarter) Grandpa: Relax! Kids swallow quarters all the time! Melanie: Really? Grandpa: Sure! If she cruds out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying. (After Max and John had spaghetti sauce poured on top both of their heads:) Max: Do you think we...

Yeah, 3 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, 2 chocolate shakes and a large coke. #1: Phil? Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you. Now don’t you tell me you don’t remember me ’cause I sure as heckfire remember you. #2: Not a chance. #1: Ned… Ryerson. ‘Needlenose Ned’? ‘Ned the Head’? C’mon,...

Some people say forgive and forget. I say forget about forgving and just accept. And get the hell out of town. #1: I’ll give you an answer if you give me an airplane #2: What if your dad comes in? #1: You can give him one too #1: You’re a fucking psycho #2: Don’t rush to judgement on something like...

–Why do you want to be a doctor? –Well, uh, I want to make lots of money. 1) Are you guessing? 2) Am I right? 1) Yes. 2) Then I’m not guessing. Anatomy! I can’t believe I forgot the word ANATOMY! Come in, come in. Your cadavers will wait patiently for you. I promise. He’s human. Not superhuman....

1) I’d Like to but a vowel 2) A or E?? 1) A 3) Tell Him what he’s won 1) An all expensen Paid trip to your cerebral Cortex 1) This tastes increadible 2) You took some good shit 1) You’re really beautiful 2) You’re Really high 1) If i wasn’t high I’d still think you were beautiful, I just wouldn’t...

(at the skate shop) … Im your best customer, im here everyday.- Yeah but you never buy anything … start spending money … MONEY SPENDIN’S GOOD! (skate shop owner) jimmy was , jimmy was jimmy, jimmy was of the hook 1)WE FITTIN 2 BUST YOU IN TO GRILL SON!!!!!!! 2)YA IN YO GRRRIILLLZZZZ!!!! 3) in our...

–I guess I owe you my life. –You always did. –I’m Roy’s friend. –Yes, I imagine you’re lots of people’s friend. –What if I told you I wasn’t really your mother? That we weren’t related? –What? –What’s your pitch? –The long end. The big con. He’s so crooked he could eat soup with a corkscrew. His...

1) Gizmo is here. 2) That fury thing? 1)Can you work a camera? 2)Work a camera? I AM a camera! 1)What happened to Gizmo? 2)I don’t know they must have pushed him to far. 1. – Hey, get the hell out of there, that’s a restricted area! Move it, move it! Looks like I caught a terrorist, huh? What’s in...

1. Mr Deagle had a change of heart. He gets so setimental during the holidays. I would fired you in a second. 2. Merry Christmas to you, too 1. You haven’t seen my new apartment. 2. I haven’t seen your OLD apartment. And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus. Bright light! Bright light!...

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I’ll never do it again, that’s for sure I’ve done some things in my life I’m not proud of, but this is the first time I’ve ever felt in real danger of hell. Percy how many years did you spend pissing on the toilet seat before somebody told you to put it up? We’re not going to have some medicine man...

–There is such a thing as due process. –Out here, due process is a bullet. –What are you going to say in that newspaper of yours about us in Vietnam? –If I say what I feel, I may be out of a job. –Why is America raging this ruthless war in Vietnam? –Foreign policy decisions are not made by the...

1)Actually, uh, I’ve given up bowling. I’ve got this injury… 2)Oh yeah, it’s a rough sport. 1)That would be just so happy-making! 2)Yeah, happy-making. 1)What are you doing in a hospital? 2)I didn’t feel good, stupid, why else do you go to the hospital?! 1)What’re you drinking? 2)Uh, it’s 7up. I’m...