Innocent English

Although that thought may be of great comfort to the women of the world, Mr. Moore, as a future veterinarian, you should know that every dog eventually has his day. And just think, a week in Paree and he’ll come back sounding just like … Marcel Marceau. Go ahead. Make my day. I am Carlos from...

-i went to danberry? what’s his name, maybe i know him. -I don’t think so, derek webb -what is this, some kind of a sick joke? get out of here! -Who’s the stiff trying to warm her up? -That’s Bo Edson. The last guy on campus who thinks she puts out. And everybody knows she doesn’t. I just don’t get...

–And why shouldn’t I be interested in films? You don’t know what I’m interested in. –Well, I know you’re interested in money and fiddling with your guns. But I admit it, when it comes to anything else, I’m stumped. –Could you imagine someone being hanged because of something I said? –Yes. But what...

A fellow should keep hair off his face, you know. Are you sure we should investigate this? Greetings, comrades. I bring you hot water bottles. I suspect everyone. I’m just a plodding investigator – no style. Completely out of my depth – oh, yes. I’m used to dealing with the dead. The only emotion I...

#1: What is that? #2: Oh shit, what? #1: What is that? THAT is a mess. I want it cleaned up, boys! #2: Oh, yeah, sure, you got it! (1)George Washington, President Lincoln, uhh…Martin Sheen (2)That’s President Kennedy, you idiot! (1)Well…same difference, I mean he played Kennedy once (chunk throws...

(1) You’re doin’ the right thing, son. (2) Yeah, I know…but she’ll probably never talk to me again. (1) Well, if she doesn’t, maybe she’s just not the one for you. (2) That’s what I’m afraid of… (1) Come on, Maxie, lets get this show on the road! (2)Um, just a minute you… party… animal…you (1) my...

***Henry Hill is still in the Witness Protection Program. In 1987 he was arrested in Seattle, Washington for narcotics conspiracy and he received 5 years probation. Since 1987 he has been clean. ***In 1989, Henry and Karen Hill separated after 25 years of marriage. ***Paul Cicero died in 1988 in...

He’s queer & I’m driving Hear that hooter, I’m gonna get me one of those I bet you two bucks I’ll be hanging out of her by the time we reach Wanganui. I got an aunty that sees pink elephants I hope your dog dies, ya snotty bitch! Im takin this bloody car to invercargill boy Theres only one sure...

1:) They were having an affair? 2: No, they were celebrating Earth Day, you fucking mook! 1:) Why are you so cynical? 2:) Because someone killed Bambi’s mother. Either the world’s right side up or upside down. It depends on how you look at it. I don’t like it. I don’t trust anyone over ten who...

–How do you feel? –Did you see THE EXORCIST? Then you better leave the room. -Congratulations. -For what? -I didn’t know what else to say. -What happened to your eye? -I used it to stop a fist from going through my face. 1) I smell strawberries burning. 2) That is incense. 1) What’s incense? 2) It...

1 for you, 1 for me, 1 for me, 1 for, for me, 1 for you, 2 for me Blondie! You know what you are. You’re nothing but a dirty son of a Bitch! (Scream noise is played over the word Bitch) Blondie! You know what you are. Your nothing but a dirty son of a Bitch! (Scream noise is played over the word...

No, no…there’s no problem here. I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the Southern colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War, the economic modalities, especially in the southern colonies, could most aptly be characterized...

Dr: I don’t believe in evil. Mark: You should. Henry: Do you want me to push you down there? Henry: And Mark? Mark: Yeah? Henry: Don’t fuck with me. Henry: I’ll promise you something amazing, something you’ll never forget. Are you in? Mark: Yeah. Henry: Mark, don’t fuck with me. Henry: When you...

‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.’ –Milo Radulovich. –Italian? –Irish. –Name me another wife who reminds her husband to take off his wedding ring before he goes to the office. –Ava Gardner. –You always were yellow. –Better than red. But the line between investigating...

#1- Originally wanted Bob Hope. But, it turns out he won’t come. #2- Why not? #3- He doesn’t play police actions, just wars. Bob likes a big room, sir. #1- What does three up and three down mean to you, airman? #2- End of an inning? (laughing) AND if you DO, and if you DO! (over tape) 1. That’s...

1. I’m staring to think.. That you don’t get me. 2. MAYBE I *don’t* get you. 1. YOU DO! YOU DO GET ME, YOU JUST DON’T WANNA GET ME BECAUSE I AM TOO INTENSIFIED FOR YOU! 1. This is (name of some product). You’re getting a really great deal because its got a lot of ingredients in it. See, it has ____...

(Jimmy):Looks like someone we know. (Tommy):Without the beard that’s him. Ow hahaha… As far back as back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. As Paulie always said…Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Had a fire in the store? Fuck you, pay me. Your place got struck by lightning? Fuck...

(reading contract) hmm…yeah…ok…oh, oh yeah…(pointing to paper, and smiling confidently) I know some of these words 1) hi Im a psychopath 2) I’m Ed 1) have small space aliens ever landed in your brain and told you to free all the kangaroos? 2) not that I recall 1) do you think Im cute? 2)...

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If it ain’t fittin’ it jes’ ain’t fittin’….ain’t fittin’ Oh now Melanie, do you think that was kind to bring your good looking brother down here just to break my poor simple country girl’s heart? #1 Sir, you are no gentleman. #2: And you, miss, are no lady… #1: Dont start flirting with me, i’m not...