Innocent English

–Gant, can you fly that plane? Really fly it? –Yeah, I can fly it. I’m the best there is. –Target is not avoiding action, Captain! –He will! –You can use this? –Yeah, I can use it. –Good. Don’t, unless it’s absolutely necessary. ‘think in russian’-yabbadabbadoomsday@hotmail.com Alright. The bait’s...

Do You Remember? Find A Way To My Heart. I’m not a piece of steak for you two to fight over. Mr. Preston, this operation will be a failure if we all die! Rules of engagement: One, whoever sees the other person first is the winner. Two, whoever gets seen first is toast. We’re cooking full tilt...

…nonsense…young boys should never be sent to bed…they always wake up a day older…and then before ya know it, they’re grown 1-Mummy, can we have Uncle Jim for dinner? 2- Have him over for dinner, we’re not cannibals. 1-My name’s Nibs-the-cut-throat, greatly feared by man and greatly desired by the...

Birds: MINE MINE MINE MINE!!! I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy. I suffer from short term memory loss. It runs in my family. At least, I think it runs in my family. Come to think of it, where is my family? The fish with buck teeth: OH MY GOSH! NEMO’S...

If I can dream. It’s never too late for a comeback. Rip it up. Sometimes you have to give what you hold the dearest to find peace. Walking in Memphis. You’d be surprised. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Finding Graceland’: Quotes from the movie ‘Finding Graceland’

(1): Women will sleep with you if you write a book? (2): Women will sleep with you if you write a bad book. Farther. For if we wait too long, we risk learning that life is not a game that is won…or lost…it is a game that, too often, simply isn’t played. How about 20,000 words on why you should...

1) We’re Surrounded! 2) No SHIT! 1.) Looks like you’ve gained some weight. 2.) It’s called upper body strength, Neil, get a girlfriend. 1.) I’m working on it. 1.) These machines are suspected of causing sterility and I want to have a little Neil Jr. calling me daddy someday. 2.) That’s a spooky...

death is so fucking complected. Fuck death i always win yeah!!! Get away Frankie yea you granduated like two years ago hey i saw what happen i’d be parniod to You followed me you saw me Well seeing is beliving you have to saty away from me Why should i care it skipped me For all i know im not gonna...

I mean how can you strangle yourself in the bathtub? (Person to rescue worker using the Jaws of Life): Don’t make so much noise! Rescue Worker: I’ll just set it on quiet. Can we find the pregnant lady now… please! can we find the pregnant lady now? CHILLAX BIATCH Clear Rivers to Kid smoking at gas...

1)If you don’t stop, we will have to remove you from the plane. 2)Fuck it, I’ll remove myself. 1.)Gives me a Rush! 2.)This Place? 3.)Doing something I’m not supposed to. (1) I’ll stay. (2) No, you know the whole French thing. Get on the plane. (1) Sir, we will remove you from the aircraft if this...

1) Your momma dead too. 2) He just said that 1.will you be my girlfriend 2. no i wanna be mrs.micheal jackson when i grow up Don’t fight that feeling. Heaven knows. I’m getting ready. its fighting tempations that makes love go stronger son if that aint Jesus callin you better shut it off! Son, if...

A batalion…A construction batalion. A hotheaded ape with a hair-trigger temper. I want them armed. I’m doing a very bad job of saying I love you, Commander. Please, that’s for the five that didn’t come back. The Navy and his lady. We’re not fighting men anymore, we’re fighting animals. Who wouldn’t...

You’re a fucking tourist! I’m on to you, you’re a FUCKING tourist! Get out of here, I need this marla..the big tourest..her lie reflected my lie..so once again, i couldnt cry..and once again, i couldnt sleep The first rule of fight club is, you do not talk about fight club. The second rule of fight...

Ruby Rhod: What was that honey? It was bad! It had no fire, no energy, no nothing! So tomorrow from 5 to 7 will you PLEASE act like you have more than a two word vocabulary! It must be green! Korben Dallas: Can I talk to you for a second? [Throws Ruby up against a wall] I didn’t come here to play...

#1 He likes animals. #2 Oh he doesn’t just like ’em he fff #1 Well i won’t lie to you Wanda. #2 Willa #1 Willa (Rolo is pushing a small animal in a cart) Vince: Where are you going with that thing. Rolo: Just taking it for a walk. Vince: Walk? it can barely move in that thing. Rolo: oh no the walk...

#1) Two blocks down, the first door that ain’t got a chicken on it is his. #2) No chicken. #1)Pitch the ball, asshole. #2)Hey, nice language (gestures toward little Karin in the bleachers). #1)Oh, sorry. #1- Hey! You don’t suppose it’s like an acid flashback or anything do you? #2- I never took...

As the good book says, if you spit in the air, it lands in your face! 1) Do you love me? 2) DO I WHAT?! 1) Don’t be late for the Sabaath 2) I won’t 1) You’ll be late 2) I won’t be late! I WON’T BE LATE, if you ever stop talking I won’t be late! 1)As the good book says, when a poor man eats a...

Here is a list we’ve put together of the top 10Â Best Liberal Blogs and sites on the web. For those that swing slightly (or more than slightly) to the left, reading material is never too far away. Liberal blogs are popping up each and every day, but there are a few that have set the standard by...

A 78 year old blind bowler bowls a 300! A perfect game! Amazing.One of the most amazing sports stories that you’ll ever hear came out of Buena Vista, Florida this week. The Storm Lake Times reported on a 78-year old bowler who happened to bowl the first perfect game of his life. The catch? The...

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.   You’ve probably seen some of these classic dumb, stupid and funny...