Innocent English

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â Â Â InnocentEnglish.com was able to track down this rare English to...

Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not...

1-Think about this. You love the Red Sox, right? Well when have they ever loved you back? 2-…..Who are you, Dr. Phil, get out of here. 1-Where does The Red Sox Rank in your life? 2-I SAY RED SOX, SEX..THEN BREATHING All those things you feel for the Red Sox…I feel them too…for you. Are you allowed...

1) Only fools are positive 2) are you sure? 1) I’m positive! Batty Koda: I’ve Shruuuuuuuuunk!!! Batty-i just blew in from a biology lab. I’m back and flappin free! Let me tell ya’ll a little story bout…yo the name is Batty, the logic is eratic, potato in a jacket, carves in the attic. I rock and i...

–I’m sorry, you look so familar. Have we met before? –Only in my dreams. I’m a bad girl, Nicholas…Real bad. Rotten to the heart. The bitch double-crossed us. She took off with the diamonds. They stole the diamonds. Wake up bitch, before you die! Wipe it off and let’s go get it. You better get out...

Aunt Ida: Queers are just better. I’d be so proud if you was a fag. Aunt Ida: The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life. Taffy: I wouldn’t suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls! Wink: I’m getting a hard-on! Beauty always gives me a hard-on! Donna...

1. Do you have a tattoo? 2. Yeah, I have a tattoo. 1. Well, whip it out. He was kinda cute…for a sociopath. How’s it goin’, Dwayne? I need a guy who wears jeans. And has a tattoo. And is mute. See ya in class BUCKO!!! You gotta take ’em by surpirse. First you gotta stomp ’em on the foot, then ya...

(Father takes away video game): Listen to me. I’m throwing this out. When you die,you don’t get another life, you understandme? Child: It’s not real dying, it’s only pretend. 1)Where are we going? 2) We could disappear. I don’t want him to grow up to be a frightened child in a man’s body. I have a...

1) Are these guns registered with the state? 2) The state of siege! WARNING ASS… BOOTY… YO BITCH… DICKHEAD… BIG BUTT WOMEN… TINY BIKINIS… Do I look like the kind of guy who could kill a whole bunch of white moterfuckers? Within reason, but not a bunch. The black man was sensitive long before Alan...

#1. What’s your name?! #2. …Alice… #1. PROVE IT!!! (gets to the mint 400) 1)fuck off. 2)all right (manically waves fly swat in the air) No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. The poor f**ker would see them soon enough. *Dr. Gonzo sings* One toke over the line *You can’t park here! *What? Is...

(Looking at a Playboy Mag.) Margo: God, i bet it’d be a rush. Nicole: You wouldn’t really do it. Margo: Why not? I mean who wouldn’t want millions guys fantasizing about them? (sighs) It’s power! Nicole: It’s nuts. Margo: What, It doesn’t feel good to be wanted? (while strangleing Margo)- hey do...

FRANKIE:How the hell did they get spaghetti on the ceiling? Get the honey, junior. Give me the key junior I’m a fat, fat man. A damn fatso. Maybe I am crazy. SENT HIM TO THE DIET DOCTOR KNOW WHAT HE DID HE WENT TO HAVE A PIZZA INSTEAD HE PROBABLY HAD SAUGGE AND PEPPERONI ON IT OH POOR SALLY HOW HE...

FRANC: you are PRAGNANT? NINA: i am. and guess what? Annie’s pregnent too. FRANC: what? mother and daughter are pragnant togather?!? (George when he finds out Nina is pregnant) And who may I ask is the father? 1)How did you know we were here? 2)Well, I got home and saw the tray of uneaten lasagnas…...

(Maddie) Dad you better disguise this with Mom. (George) Mike-calem (NINA) What does Brian do? (GEORGE) Who’s Brian? (NINA) Oh! (GEORGE) I forgot his name! (NINA) ‘I will stop making faces in general and I will definitely stop telling everybody how much this wedding is costing.’ (GEORGE) I don’t...

–Do you have a boat? –No, I walked. –How in English do you say ‘parachute’? –Uh…parachute. Lady, you are making a powerful enemy. Let me tell you I am not a father figure. I am not a brother figure or an uncle figure or a cousin figure. In fact, the only figure I intend being is a total stranger...

–You speak Yiddish? –No, but I can read the subtitles. Damn kids stole my engine again He left me because she looked more like me that I did. He left me. He left me because she looked more like me than I did. I think the above quotes were actually from the movie HEXED. Man: You’re a...

–Face up to your responsibility. –What responsibility? –I don’t think having dinner with someone is a crime. –Not yet. –I got a lot of pull here. –I’ve noticed. –Thank you. –No, thank you. –No, thank you. –Yes, I’m discreet. –Me too. 555-8129 Are you having an affair with her? Bring the dog. I love...

–I saw you fight once. –Did I win? –No. A lousy hundred bucks? Is that all my blood and sweat is worth? Before you start rolling, your life makes a bee-line to the drain. Don’t waste your green years. Before you know it, your life’s slipped down the drain. Help me make it through the night. If. Is...

lady, noticing man staring at her cleavage while he’s talking about sightseeing America: You won’t find it down there, Columbus! Let’s time Lancelot as he come charging to the rescue! Looks to me like you’ve got two of everything and some left over. That sounds like my motor being reved up. Which...

I DONT KNOW im gonna let all my classes see that amd im gonna give you all the credit narly #1 Well make up your mind dude. Is he going to shit or is he going to kill us. #2 First he’s going to shit, then he’s going to kill us. #1 When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? #2 A quart or so. ‘I...