Innocent English

Jesse:You dont just step into the ring because you think you box Brian: He knows i can box #1 – . . i thought you werent hungry pumpkin #2 – I gotta eat #3- he’s alwayz hungry (.)this is yours weather you win or lose..but if you when you get her too (.) (1) Hey Monica, baby, whassup wit… (2) Whas...

‘Let’s keep still back there, lady, or we’re gonna have to– y’know, to shoot ya.’ ‘No.’ First thing you’ve said in the last four hours. That’s a, that’s a fountain of conversation, man. That’s a geyser. I mean, whoa, daddy, stand back, man. Shit, I’m sittin’ here driving, man, doin’ all the...

–I think you’re a very stupid person. You look stupid. You’re in a stupid business. And you’re on a stupid case. –I get it; I’m stupid. A hand I could have sat in took hold of my shoulder. I had two grand inside my breast pocket that needed a home, and I knew just the place. I knew one thing: as...

As far as I’m concerned, a reprimand from you is the same as a compliment from anyone of real judgement. Do you know if she has any other young men anging about her at all? He’s married to his farm. I ask only the privilege of looking after you. I brought her a lamb. I thought she might like to...

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â An Inspirational Address to the Nation By George W. Bush Compiled...

1) I think I met him at one of Mona’s soirèès. A bit flowery for my taste. 2) How do you mean? 2) Oh, you know, a bit light on his feet… 2) – Oh, you mean – 1) Yes, darling he’s one of those. Of course, I could be mistaken. Just an impression I got. 1) Sometimes it’s the people...

Shannon: What do you think you’re doing!? Joseph: I’m eating your chocolate cake! 1) Did you get a look at him, Shannon? 2) Ummm…a peek. 1) I pretend I love you. 2) I pretend I love you, too. 1) I’m drunk Joseph! 2) How can you be drunk-you just left my sight 5 minutes ago! 1) I’m of Ireland, and...

1: No more jokes about the way i look. 2:Call me Mr. Sensitivity. Everyone clear out! Wide Load coming through, Look Out, he’s HUGE! A= Let’s not fight. B= No, let’s. Doctor: Your entire biophysical structure is changing. Victor: That’s terrible news. (kills doctor) I think I’ll get a second...

1) Where are we? 2) The ass of nowhere. 1): So, boys, what’ll be for breakfast? Barbecue? (Judd Nelson’s character dry heaves in the background). Or chili?(J.N. throws up). Chili it is! 1.)Hey wait, I’m not even rinsed off.2) Ran out of quarters.1)God! A whole wash day, shot to hell. Are ya 18 ????...

(1)Blow me Maney (2)I would but you haven’t had your shots babe. (1)Hey Bobby when your doing her think of me. (2)Yeah thats a short thought (1)I hope you like it in certer field. (2)I hope you like it in left (1)your telling me I have to go out there and be Babe fucking Ruth for god sakes. (2)...

(exact) You’re a bad girl baby, you make me so hot! *touches face* (1) They did a good job! (2) Who? (1) The aliens. …… but then i realize I have just given up everything I am sure of. …see, you’re a better person than I am and it made me a better person to be around you. I don’t know, maybe it was...

He’d be five inches taller with a Scots mother. Hey, you bald-headed prick! Don’t you ever get caught on the take. Because if you wind up in any joint I’m in, you’ll leave feet first. If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Living with a Sicilian is...

‘Cause I’m young and single, and I loves to mingle. (all singing)1)I sing the body electric.I celebrate the me yet to come.I toast to my own reunion, when I become one with the sun.2)And I’ll look back on Venus, I’ll look back on Mars, and I’ll burn with the fire of 10,000,000 stars.And in time,...

I don’t like you Pendergrass. You know why? You don’t curse. I don’t trust a man who doesn’t curse. –I am just disagreeing with you! In America, we have the freedom of speech! The right to disagree! –Fuck you and your freedom! –You got to give me something. –Why don’t you try to get a job? –You...

1) You know what you’d look like with this sandwich up your ass? 2) What? 1) Like a fat, stupid fuck with a sandwich up his ass. But I’m still havin’ fun. Cops are the chosen people. Everything is personal if you’re a person I got a bad feeling about this. i’ll fuck you up down left and right If it...

Do you have any fruits and vegetables? Here is $10. Get yourself a haircut. How many guys do you know who’s best friend is also his priest? I mean, I could’ve gone to confession and told the truth! I’m very disappointed, Chris. I don’t know your father. I don’t think you have the faintest clue what...

–Please, Rita. Just cut me a little slack on space. Okay? –No. No. No. –You know how to use a computer as well as him. –Da! -Are you looking for hardware? Or is it software you’re interested in? -Hardware. I was hoping to demo your unit. -I’d have to…boot up first. -Is it a felony to shoot a...

–Another one bites the dust. –And he is still here. –You live with your parents? –Is that a problem? Deceptions are poisonous like margarine. Good news, it’s Champagne Thursday. I called animal control and guess what they said. They said I should enjoy one of nature’s most creative creatures. I’m...

And for the next six months, it didn’t get any better for George W. Bush. blow me down or I’ll shiver your timbers. VEGAS!! Britney Spears: I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that. Bush: I call upon all nations to stop these...

Are you happy? Fahrenheit four five one is the temperature at which book paper catches fire and starts to burn. It is computed that eleventhousand persons have at several times suffered death rather than submit to break their eggs at the smaller end Not everyone born free and equal, as the...