Innocent English

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â Here are some more of the of the best funny thoughts We all can’t be...

Ladies and Gentlemen. Presenting, Vice President Hillary Clinton. Does it have a nice ring to it? Hillary might think so. She may be seriously considering asserting herself as the best Vice President running mate for Obama. If this campaign has shown us one thing, it’s that Hilary Clinton...

Candy: Wait, you guys! You can’t leave without margaritas! Valerie, what are you doing? Valerie: Goodbye, Candy, I’ll miss you. Candy: Good luck, Val. Just call. Happy trails. Dr. Gallagher: Oh, Bambi, you… Candy: No wait. (she then throws a margarita can, only to see the can hit Woody.) Woody:...

–Colonel, there’s no such thing as death with honor. Just death. –I have no intention of dying now. –Mister Devlin, you are an extraordinary man. –Colonel Steiner, you’re an extraordinary judge of character. –Where are you from, son? –Omaha, sir. –By this time next year, pigeons are going to be...

Elliot: He needs to go home, he’s calling his people, and I don’t know where they are, and he needs to go home. Keys: Elliot, I don’t think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It’s a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I’m glad he met you first....

Malachi: And may I assume from the intense odor of mayonnaise you’ll be dining in tonight? Victor Geddes: Uh, actually, no, we’re going out, right, honey? Hilary O’Neil: Sure. Victor Geddes: We’re going out. Shauna: So how much is he paying you? Hilary: 400 big ones. Shauna: Fuck me! …Not you. Die...

1) I’m going to have you prosecuted for this! 2) Oh, you mean like in big people’s court? Or some school teen court where if I’m found guilty I gotta roll naked in the snow or make a bed with my teeth? 1) My father is one of the most powerful men in this country! When he hears about what you did,...

1) Dunston, daddys sorry. *Dunston shakes his head* 1) Dunston, I’ve got some lovely bananas here. *Dunston smacks his bottom several times* 1) Dont wave your hairy bottom at me!! 1) From this day on, you are BOTH grounded. 2) We’re ALREADY grounded. 3) You’re DOUBLE grounded. Brian, no poker, no...

A gentle reminder not to make more mistakes. And this time Damodar, don’t fail me. A gentle reminder not to make more mistakes. And this time Damodar, don’t fail me. Did you really think that you could steal my destiny? do not patronize me Azmath. for i understand all to well. yes, i violate the...

(1)Stilgar, do we have wormsign? (2) Usul, we have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen. …Desert planet, your time has come. A storm is coming, our strom, and when it arrives it will shake the universe. EMPOROR WE COME FOR YOU… 1)Shield practice? Gurney… we had practice this...

1) Gaining a little wait aren’t you, honey? 2) You’re no cream puff yourself, dearie. dead people dont snore- or do dey? Him with those ears that only a mother could love. I can look at worms, and microscopic germs, but technicolor pachiderms are just too much for me! I think I can, I think I can…...

(Harry)Is this your special place? (Lloyd) No, I just usually eat in the crapper. Saves time. You know, out with the old, in with the new. (Lewis) So, if I had a girlfriend, Terry, I could bring her here and do stuff…with her? (Turk) You got it, jerk off. 1)We don’t drink out of the hose now do we?...

$275-thou, might wanna hang on to that one. wait wait the town is to miles that way…..we just have to keep our eyes open #1 Why would she have you meet her in a bar at 10 o’clock in the morning? #2 I just figured she was a ragin’ alcoholic. #1. Go where? Where do you want to go? #2. Someplace warm....

(as Bo faints after getting a kiss on the cheek) So he’s still doing that? (Bo talking to the car) I know it’s a shame to hide your beauty like this but it’s for your own good…WHat? That’s crazy, I’m not even going to respond to that. 1) How does 24,000 yen sound? 2) Like 40 bucks. 1) I don’t...

c’mon you miserable fat head, get that fat ass truck out of my way COME ON, COME ON !!!!!!!!! come on, come on, let’s go Come On, come on car! Please, please! COME ON Don’t…don’t…don’t sit on the hood. That hood will dent. He’s got some…some souped up diesel… How can he go so fast? I’d like to...

He may look like an idiot, and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot! –How would you like a job in the mint? –Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got? –I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia. –Well, that covers a lot of ground....

Duck, you sucker! I think gold is better than silver. It seems even His Majesty’s Secret Service would like to get their hands on you. My country is me and my family. Not everybody can fight. There are those who must organize, coordinate. Now you understand why we need the firecracker? Page Topic:...

1)Hey, what’s up with your socks Charles? 2)Don’t worry about my socks man. It’s a tuba thang shawty. Bring it on Big Brother tin man Daaammmm! For the past 4 years atthe BET Classic,Morris Brown been spankin that ass..spankin that ass. halftime is game time HOLD UP! WAIT A MINUET! LET US PUT SOME...

Most people don’t know how they’re gonna feel from one day to the next, but a drug fiend has a pretty good idea. All you gotta do is look at the labels on the little bottles. 1)I wonder why they call it Josephine Apartments. 2)The guy who rented it to me, his name’s Dale. Maybe Josephine sounded...

–How do you do, Mr. Harper? –Oh, sometimes I do better than others. –I ran a check on you, Mr. Harper. You are not stupid. –I have my moments. –It’s quite a zoo you got here. Do you think you could introduce me to the head keeper?–Right on. Come on. –Now you take the oil business, my business. It’s...