Innocent English

1- It’s a fugazi 2-A fugazi? 1- Yeah a fugazi…a fake 2-I know what a fugazi is 1-Yeah well you go ahead and sell it if you wanna look like a dumski 2-Are you tellin’ me what I’m gonna do? Sit down there! 1) I’ll make a bet with ya’s. I’ll bet you’s $10 that you can’t get through this whole meal...

Every true lover knows that the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over, and he beholds before him the flower which has blossomed beneath his touch. Every woman is a mystery to be solved. Have you ever met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled...

I ain’t stupid. I’m slow. I don’t want him to get Black Plague. I’m a money-maker. If I was God, I wouldn’t let that happen to my boy. My brother’s a neurotic. Sometimes I wonder who’s stupider, you or me? They will never get The Hulk! We’re not conducting a union meeting here. We’re picking up...

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to 1) Are you saying there’s nobody? 2) I’m saying there are a lot of nobody’s A bad patch? I had a fucking nervous breakdown, mother! Ah take whatevah ya want, I’m not enterin’ any beauty contests anyway. An accident, Dolores, can be an unhappy...

Damn Hamburg operators. Why the hell don’t they learn English? Do It To It. First take, nothing. Second take, I don’t know…tears. Third take, I forget my own name. Hey, stealing’s a business. Not a crusade. I figured they’d never kill you, at least not until after they found the money. Money Is....

Bitch! You brang me these cotton drawz? You know I don’t wear no fuckin cotton drawz! Dolemite is my name and fucking up mutha fuckers is my game. I got your ‘boy’ hangin’, you no-business, born-insecure, jock-jawed, motha fuckas! I may be wrong, you may be right, but you bout to get your ass...

no pleasure no rapsure no exquisite sin greater then cental air #1)Are you gonna listen to this shit? #2)That’s what people of Antioch said…right before they stoned my ass. #3)You were martyred? #2)That’s one way of puttin’ it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big fucking rocks!...

But it’s still all bull shit. -And we’re in it up to our goddamn lips, buddy. I don’t know what this asshole wants – I’ll have a fuckin beer My name’s Buel, but people call me Oakie…You can call me Oakie… If you want to… Oh, that’s just what we call ourselves, you see. I’m a United States Marine....

–Hard-boiled or fried, Sarge? –Scrambled. Hard-boiled or fried, Sarge? have you licked your own balls yet Ryan? I am a professional soldier, when I singed my name on that dotted line, I fucking meant it. I am not breaking radio silence because my patrol was spooked by a dead flying fucking cow!...

–I never been up in an airplane before. –So? I mena it’s safe…It’s like a car…It’s safer than a car. It’s all right, Sal. –Sonny, you could give up? –Give up? Right. Have you ever been in prison? –Stevie, don’t take the car. –How’d I get home? –Take a subway. We need the car. –You the guy wanted...

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â These are some of the best sport quotes and bloopers mistatements:...

Wow. This is one of the best and most amazing wedding toasts ever. Very sweet, touching and loving. It must have been overwhelming for her, an amazing moment. If you are looking for good wedding toasts, this one may be a bit beyond your reach, but it is still beautiful and amazing to watch, and...

(Peter looks down at old peice of cloth as Patches face appears in the cloth) Patches: Listen up crotch stain! #1 Unbelievable. It looks like Average Joe’s is forfeiting the game. #2 That’s a bold move, Cotton, we’ll see if it pays off. ‘L’ for love!!!! (1. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit....

–I’m just going to mosey around and take in the sights. –Well, look out you don’t become one of them. Colonel Dodge, when do we start for Virginia City? Columbia, the gem of the ocean. Gentlemen, that’s the symbol of America’s future – progress. Iron men and iron horses. You can’t beat them....

I pray…. I meditate…. I eat chocolate…. I dance…. 1/_You wanna scream? No one will hear you 2/_I don’t wanna scream 1/_You wanna jump? 2/_I don’t wanna jump 1/_Then fight it! Fight it!!! Call a dying patient *a terminal* again, and that’s how you’ll be describing your career! I’d rather you cut...

-If they were to give me two more excavators, I’d be a year ahead of the plan by now. -You’re an impatient generation. -Weren’t you? -The doctor’s a gentleman. -Right. It’s written all over him. And you my dear, are a slut. because if you’re not going with me, she’s not going with me….so ARE you...

*sniff sniff* boy, we got some fresh air out here!!! –I promise to ask for no special privileges. –I promise to grant none. 1) back off, or you’ll find your nuts in a treee!!!! 2) OH!!! where’s the love, where’s the love, where’s the love!… 1. Hey, give me a break. I saved your life. 2. That’s...

Can we use electronic devices underwater? USSSSSSSSSSE THEM! Hold Him. I’ll give that son of a bitch just another five minutes. Then what, Mom? Well, I’ll wait some more. King Of Soul. Superfreak. We were on our way to Leon’s for some ribs, man. He was hitchhikin’! Working Girls. Yeah, well, you...

So you just drop trough whenever you feel like it? (1)Is that a star? (2)Naw, that’s Ted Danson. -I suspect that your version of romance is whatever will separate me from my panties. -No. I am just talking about dinner. Wear make-up. Put on a dress. Panties are optional. -You want to trade the pig...

1)WHat you doing boy? 2)I’m planning a boycott of Sal’s Famous! 1) Shit, I Tell you who you should boycott, you should boycott that barber that fucked up your head!!! 555-LOVE. Are we gonna live together? Together are we gonna live? Boycott Sal’s Famous! Buggin’ Out: Yo Mookie! Mookie: What?...