Innocent English

1: Why don’t art students look out the window in the morning? 2: So they’ll have something to do in the afternoon. Cider! Brilliant! 2 Bottles of this and you wake up with a pile of vomit in your slippers and six hours pregnant. DT: FUCKER!!!! JI: That’s very kind of you Dan, but I’ve already...

Ain’t That Lovin’ You Baby… Lyrics You don’t know me, baby, Like I know myself. I just want to love you, baby, But you leave me on the shelf. Ain’t that lovin you, baby? Ain’t that lovin you, baby? Ain’t that lovin you, baby? But you don’t even know my name. Let me tell you something, I swear to...

Business would adapt to art, not the other way around. Donna Prima: Listen David…your a bum..I can’t fuck you like I used to. I’m a DIVA now. Divas don’t fuck people like you. I can’t go on! Especially the way we used to fuck. The way you used to tease me with that cactus plant that was on that...

1)Not so fast. What’s the capital of North Dakota?? 2)How the fuck should I know?? Appropriate sparks are flying. Somebody que up the power ballad, man. Bad, wrong…. Wrong bad…… Bad wrong…… Wrong Bad Bad…………..wrong……………wrong…………..bad……………….Bad…………..wrong……………wrong…………..bad be the ball Gavin : Fail...

And if a frog had wings he wouldn’t bump his butt when he hopped. Drop the Thomas, shorten the Jefferson, Jeff Johnson! The name you know… Rifkala. Tell me something, with all this money floatin’ around how does anything ever done? That’s the beauty of the system, it doesn’t. Vote Jeff...

1. So what the hell were you doing in a pissant little county like this? All they have is blue skies and cow shit. 2. (laughing) Cow shit. A little hot,George? A little hot?! The fucking kitchen burned down,George! Ah,back.Oh,boy.The dog sits in the front and we all go in the back. All right, it’s...

–Do you swear… –No, but I know all the words. –Drop the vernacular. –Vernacular? That’s a derby. –I say, Jasper, what comes after 75? –76. –That’s the spirit! –Take the stand. –Where’d I put it? Are you trying to give me the double talk? I’m a victim of circumstance. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from...

(Mitch, playing cricket on the dish)Give it another tweak. It’s still not flat enough, Glen. Probably still on NASA settings. (Rudy) Remember that night at my place with all those blokes there from NASA trying to sort out the contract? What about this and what about that. And finally you speak....

1) She got to you didn’t she 2) What did you expect? They’re stronger, they’re smarter, and they don’t fight fair. It’s the next step in human evolution. I mean, 10 years from now your going to need a forklift to get a hard on. I thought your heart was made out of that plastic they use to make...

(Chris Farley) – you ever need anything i mean anything at all…………. ya come to me (Norm Mcdonald) – can i stay at your place tonight? (chris)- well see the thing is this i got this room mate old jack hes a little impaticular when it comes to strangers (Norm)- thats ok i i ill find somewhere else...

1) Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist? 2)No! 1> May I go to the bathroom please? 2> Yes. 3> (With look of relief on face) Thank you. SHALL I GET THE GENITAL CUFF? A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away. All right. Cuddly, cuddly. Are you ready?...

Any town’s a good town when you nail a broad Every single bone in her crotch……Thats what im gonna break her top end is unlimited If you ever do anything like that again ….. I’m gunna braide your tits!!!! If you ever do anything like that again, I’m gunna braide your tits!!! Im going to show you my...

Carrie: Have you seen my boobs lately? Rebecca: Yeah, they’re pretty. Carrie: Of course they are and you know why? Because I don’t fucking jog! Did you sleep with Charlie the Tuna last night or do you need to douche? Here’s to the men that we love, here’s to the men that love us, but the men that...

Harry Callahan: I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself...

#1- One! Group- Down at the roadblock, we’ve just begun. #1- Two! Group- The guards are through! #1- Three. Group- The Major’s men are on a spree! #1- Four. The Major & Wladislaw go through the door! #1- Five. Group- Pinkley stays out in the drive. #1- Six. Group- The Major gives the rope a fix....

Move your hips in a circle.. come on a circle..that’s a BOX!~Javier 1. We didn’t win the contest. 2. No. But the consulation prize was pretty good 1: How do you call these? 2: Your hips? 3: (laughs) Move your ‘heepths’ c’mon, circle….circle….that’s a box feels like dancing with my mother’s ironing...

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â Here are some more of the best stupid and witty one liners Matrimony...

May 10, 2008 Who Will Obama choose for his Vice President? Here’s a shortlist. With Barack Obama now (according to some) the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party, only one more really important question remains. Who will Obama choose for V.P.? There are lots of possible choices out there...

#1 I am so sick of all this rain… Remind me not to take my honeymoon at Niagara falls. #2 so you’ll go to Acapulco… #1, Well I’m sorry I let you down daddy, but you let me down too. (1)Sylvia? (2) Yes Mickie? (1) How do you call your loverboy? (2) Come here loverboy! (1) and if he doesn’t answer?...

C,mon Bayleen you’ve got big feet. Just give em a kick. I believe you left a wake-up call for the dawn of time. Looks like you need a little help from the LOVE MONKEY. None of us knows what changes, big or small, lie ahead. One thing is certain — our journey’s not over. We can only hope that in...