Innocent English

So,Are you gonna like suck our dicks and stuff ? Shut up Tripp,That’s so fucking rude!!! (1)how’s it going mom?(2)jeramier(1)i’m going to ask you this nicely first can i have my drumsticks back?(2)your drumsticks are the least of your worries young man you just ran out on god.my son just ran out on...

Fate or some mysterious force can put the finger on you or me for no good reason at all. I don’t like your attitude, Roberts. All you do is bellyache. Just some paper with a lot of germs on it. Life’s like a ball game, you’ve got to take a swing at whatever comes along before you wake up and find...

‘Rainbow’ means an organization that covers the town. –Not bad for a Certified Public Accountant. –Oh, he was very clever with money. –That’s an understatement. –Yeah, but why are they selling land back and forth? –To make the prices rise. A.R.G.D. Corp. Dave, we’re sitting on something pretty...

Charlie, what are you hanging your head for? What do you got to be ashamed of? You wanted to be a buglar so be a good one. Be proud of your chosen profession. Hold up your head. High time somebody put the fear of God in him. The law wouldn’t, so I did. I built my whole life on hating my father. All...

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â These are actual answers from test papers and essays submitted to...

–You’re sure you’re Destry? –Folks is always asking me that. Aside from being nice ornaments, a fellow can have a whole lot of harmless amusement with these toys. Here’s your badge. Don’t let anybody see it. I think I’ll stick around. I had a friend once who collected postage stamps. Said the best...

(1)Well jsut make sure it’s not a blood bath this time. (2)It wasn’t my fault they started it. 1) (Name) did I thank you. 2) No. 1) I will. 1) Eh, did I thank you? 2) No, you didn’t. 1) OK…I will. 1) Here have a couple more. 2) What is this? 1) Pain killers. Hot water 2) Shai!! What are you doing...

–I suppose I should have called first? –Yes, do that next time. –I’ve read every New York newspaper backward and forward for the past fifteen years. I don’t smoke. I only drink champagne when I’m lucky enough to get it. My hair is naturally natural. I live alone and so do you. –How do you know...

#1 Charels Christopher Shine. Isn’t Shine a Jewish name? #2 Biblically. #1 Christopher? Shine #2 My Mom is Catholic. I’ve got all kinds of guilt. #1 How’s that working out for you. #2 Fine. I a had a lot of therapy as a kid. #1 Tomorrow is fine… of course there is a 10 percent interest charge...

–What are you drinking?–Cranberry juice. 1: You know who John Lennon was?2: Yeah. He was the president before Lincoln.1: John Lennon said, ‘I’m an artist. Ya gimme a fucking tuba, I’ll get ya something out of it.’2: Well, I’ll tell ya Mr. Costello, I’d like to squeeze some fucking money out of it....

*Whatcha eatin’ there sport? *Uh Apple. 1. Nobody shoots a marble at my head and sets my pants on fire! 2. But that was an accident! 1. THERE AREN’T GONNA BE NO MORE ACCIDENTS! 1:Can I tell you a story? 2:Is it about flowers and lambs? 1:No. 2:Okay. 1:Do forts got carpet 2:No! 1:Forts don’t got...

…I walk around in the summer goin’ ‘How about this HEAT?’!!!! I’m an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!! A-S-S-H-O-L-E! Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E! A-S-S-H-O-L-E!! Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E! I’M AN ASSHOLE!! And my father looks at me like it’s the most normal thing ever. . . like there’s roving gangs of indians around...

1/_ Via-con-dias! 2/ And a Via-con-diablos to you too! 1/_Age before beauty 2/_Pearls before swine, shithead! 1/_That is crazy! 2/_ Deal with it! Cordelia: Poor guy. Hey maybe I should give him a freebee? Irene: Hmm. Just what he needs, someone else to screw him. Irene: God damn it. Get that pussy...

#1 Alright Huxley, lets just do it the old fashioned way. #2 Eer,disgusting, you mean fluid transfer? #1 No, I mean, boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka. #2 That is no longer done. The exchange of bodily fluids. Do you know what that leads to? #1 YEah I do. Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the...

#1) We beat it, didn’t we? / #2) You don’t beat the river. (1)We beat it, didn’t we? (2)You don’t beat the river. (1)You take that chubby boy with you today. (2)He’s rather well thought of in his field, Lewis. (1)Insurance? I never been insured in my life. There’s no risk. –He’s rather well thought...

……AND THEN THE BIG BROWN SHARK CAME. …Eddie was screamin’ in his sleep ahh help me help me I woke him and I shook him and I said Eddie what’s wrong he said Aunt Bunny is coming to get me. …I thought I learned some new spanish shit, I walked up to my man I said hey Sanchez goony goo goo, he said get...

A man can always use more alcohol, tobacco and firearms. All right, Phil. I want you to do a full autopsy. Concentrate on time and cause. Full spread of lab tests. Everything. Brace yourselves, I think you’re about to witness a murder. I am asking a simple question.Is she alive or is she dead? It...

#1. How about you, sir….how did you die? #2. On stage, like you! …and you didn’t want to toot your own horn. 1) Do you have a jacuzzi in your room? 2) No…you? 1) …uhh…no it’s not IN my room, it’s in my bathroom….in fact it might not even be a jacuzzi, I think it’s just HOLES in the tub! 1) Do you...

–How does it feel to be shot? –Don’t hurt. That’s what you wanna know. And how it’s been, doing OK. –Yeah, same thing. Nothing’s changed. –I don’t think about that much with one shot anymore, Mike. –You have to think about one shot. One shot is what it’s all about. A deer’s gotta be taken with one...

1/ Morphine’s half way to heroin 2/ Half way to hell! 98,000 ampules of morphine If his tongue moves……. CUT IT!!!!! If his tongue moves……. CUT IT!!!!! The Deep. Well, it isn’t a bloody tourist trap! Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Deep, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Deep, The’