Innocent English

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored...

–Do you know how many uncharted islands there are in this ocean? –I don’t know. Two? –Don’t go very far. –I didn’t know you cared. –I care about the gun. 1) What the hell is that? 2) The girl from epanima Now theres something you dont see every day Hey, chick with the muscles.Chick with the...

(radio) We have now confirmed the launch of the Titan missiles. The comets are now roughly 14 hours outside Earth’s atmosphere and we have been told it would take 15 minutes for them to reach their targets. –Fish…Why the hell do they call you Fish? –Well, Spurgeon…Sturgeon…Fish. Took about fifteen...

-Were you drunk? -I was overserved. Beth – Its Like I am standing under a huge snow bank and if I move one inch in any direction its going to come crashing down and your going to have to raise these kids yourself I’m doing that now Bethy Beth – BEEEEEEEEEEN! BEEEEEN! * Cries* Beth – You know what!...

– Alright people…. these sharks are thinking… hard & clear….. so here’s the riddle…… what does an 8000 pound mako shark with a brain the size of a flathead V8 engine & no natural predators think about???? – Well I’m not waiting around here to find out….. – I read about you. That thing in the...

–Do you care even about the Holocaust or do you think it never happened? –Not only do I know that we lost six million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken. –He’s too old for her. –So are you. –I’m much too old for her! But because of my immaturity, I have a boyish quality. –Is...

-What the fuck are you doing here? -I was making a sandwich. -Who the fuck are you? -Death! Anyone connected with drugs deserves to die. Fuck it I hate the opera. Why do we have to go to the opera anyway? They don’t even sing in English. At least they could sing in English. I Swear The God.I Kill...

A .475 Wildey magnum is a shorter version of the African big-game cartridge. It makes a real mess. Do you always violate people’s Constitutional Rights? It’s like killing roaches – you have to kill ’em all, otherwise what’s the use? Think I’ll go down the street and get myself some ice cream. This...

–We gotta let the cops handle this, Dad. –Yeah?…Well, what if the cops can’t handle this, Jack? A gun is just a tool, like a hammer or an axe. Don’t jive , mother, you know what we want! I was raised to beleive that you stomped on your own snakes I’m Paul Kersey. What about the old American social...

#1: Are you okay? #2: Well, you know, I’m pretty fucked up in general so its kinda hard to gage. (At cousin’s funeral) It’s a shame this happened. Ok boys, let’s go pray and get shitfaced. (Bashing in television) Bastard Son of Barney! Die! Die, stuffed ball of fluff! Illegitimate Teletubbie! Die,...

(1)Is winning all you care about? (2)Yes. It’s the only standard of excellence left. As the cars roar into Pennsylvania, the cradle of liberty, it seems apparent that our citizens are staying off the streets, which may make scoring particularly difficult, even with this year’s rule changes. To...

#1: You damn froggy eavesdropper. #2: Belgian! Belgian eavesdropper! –Why doesn’t someone murder her? –Well, maybe the world’s lending libraries will band together and hire an assassin. Do not let evil into your heart; it will make a home there. How sad, mademoiselle. It has been my experience that...

1) Now a warning 2) NOW a warning?! 1) Where did you put my wife? 2) She’s dead, sir. They took her to the morgue. 1) The morgue? She’ll be FURIOUS! 1) Where is she? 2) She’s in the morgue 1) The morgue! She’ll be furious! 1)Well it is the natural law.. 2)Oh, SCREW the natural law! 1. Ha you took...

Many people write to God. Somebody is answering. Oh! Rebecca’s rockin’! Oh, that’s good. The deaf girl wants quiet. Perhaps God does not live in lawyers. The eagle has landed!! We blew our first miracle. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Dear God’: Quotes from the movie ‘Dear God’

(1)Where have all the good salesmen gone? Don’t answer that… (1 and 2) Management! –Did you enjoy your stay at the hotel, Ms. DeVoto? –Mr. Muntz, please. I lost my husband yesterday. –Well, we can wait a few minutes. You might still find him. …but follow with the tag Your Partner In Freedom. And...

DAAANNNNTTTAAAARRRGGGHHHNNN!!!!! END OF STORY! Great movie hehehe Nice scenes :-) heheheheh http://www.paranoja.fora.pl/viewtopic.php?t=3 U ded. Wrong answer! You’re supposed to be the best at what you do- do it BETTER. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Deadly Prey’: Quotes from the movie ‘Deadly Prey’

But first, a couple of funny signs Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed. Â Â Here are some funny quotes by Yogi Berra If you don’t know where...

Johnny Smith: Bless me? Do you know what God did for me? He threw an 18-wheeled truck at me and bounced me into nowhere for five years! When I woke up, my girl was gone, my job was gone, my legs are just about useless… Blessed me?! God’s been a real sport to me! –Not only can you see the future,...

–Say, when you get on again as a professor at some college and I’m back running my cab in St. Louis, send me a problem in algebra once in a while. –Blonde or brunette? –A redhead in a sloppy-joe sweater. –You know, the trouble with women is they ask too many questions. They should spend all their...

1) Shit! 2) What? 1) Motherfucker made me lose a pack of cigarettes. 2) A pack of cigarettes? (laughs) I thought you were worried about your leg or something. 1) What, and that’s shit’s funny to you? 2) (stops laughing abrupty) naw,it aint funny.. Ain’t that a groove. Don’t you ever, in your life,...