Innocent English

–Do you like cops? –Only when they are not behind my rear-view mirror. 1/_You locked yourself in, asshole! 2/_Yeah, just you and me, asshole! 2. First Johnny Squares, Then Molly Fisher, Now Nolan Kennard. Like I said Harry, Celebrities, they always die… 1. In threes, yeah. 2. Yeah, but at least he...

1 Raisins? 2 Yuck. 3 Wait a minute, who gave us half a roll? 4 (talking with his mouth full) I’m eating the other half. 3 Come on. 4 You want me to put it back? I mean, if I was ever going to buy a desk set… twice! I would probably buy this one, both times! In fact, its shape is rather aerodynamic...

(1) I’m not here for your amusement Matthew. I’m here for a little respect. (2) Why, coz you’re a nun and you have a cross in your neck? (1) No, because I’m a person and a person deserves respect. (1) You’re a sister? (2) Yes. (1) You’re not from MTV? (2) No. (1) Are you sure? (2) Yes. Clyde): How...

1.i had this dream where i killed my self. just stuck a gun in my mouth and bang bang. it was so really real. 2.well if it was that really real i dont htink you would have gotten that second shot off ‘My name is Cliff, brother of Joe, I got me some crack, i need me some hoes! Let me hear ya say...

#1: Do you have any tobacco? #2: I don’t smoke. 1) I make flowers made out of paper, smell. What does it smell like? 2)…paper. 1)His hair’s soft… like a girl’s…. 2)By god it is soft. Now how do you get it that a’way? See this stuff here? Well it’s just like barn hay — not a durn thing I kin do with...

–Excuse me. As one professional to another, I would appreciate it if you minimised your constant use of profanity. –You’re kidding? –No, sir, I’m not kidding. –What’s his name? –Gary Kimball –You want to book this guy for parole violation? –Certainly not. Fuck you, Sheriff! And your french fries....

This is fate we’re talking about, and if fate works at all, it works because people think that THIS TIME, it isn’t going to happen! (Mike gives an old, dying Gray Baker a cigarrette, but instead of smoking it through his mouth, she puts it in the hole of his mechanicle voice box, inhales and blows...

(1) you cool man? (2) like how? (1)hehhehh…o0o0ok -Absolutely George toked weed. Are you kidding me man. He grew fields of fields of that stuff man. That’s what I’m talking about. Fields. -He grew that shit up Mount Vernon man? -Mount Vernon man. He grew it all over the country man. He had people...

Being good is better than being bad but being too good; that’s worse than death! C’mon, look at us. See? A couple of bums. It’s magic time. Let me just pull something out of the hat here and see if it hops. they are not long the days of wine and roses, out of a misty dream out path...

stacey Yall know what a Japanese inspection is?Japanese inspection….Its when the Japanese get a load of lettuce in the country the’re not sure they want to let in they just let it sit on the docks till they’re good and ready to inspect it.Of course by they its all gone rotten,there’s nothing left...

I’d like to get inside that ship and see how it works. What do you think makes it go? –They have cemeteries. But not like this one… You see, they don’t have any wars. — Gee, that’s a good idea. 1)Oh, Eleanor, did you call the electrician? 2)I tried, Mr. Bleeker. But the phone doesn’t work, either....

–Got a car? –No, I don’t. –You should. In this town, it’s a necessity. I caught you, spy! Nazi spy! I could never love a man who wasn’t criminally handsome. I remember those who do me dirt, and those that do me favors. I’m Homer Simpson. Jeepers Creepers. Let me tell you about the famous Miracle...

–Half a million. –Half a million new francs? –Dollars. –You are crazy. –Considering you expect to get France itself, I’d say it was a very reasonable price. –How did you know whose telephone to tap? –I didn’t. So I tapped them all. No French soldier will raise his weapon against me. We are not...

(1)Hey, find anything? (2)Yeah, a bunch of real estate for sale at close-out prices man! (1)I got an alternative, yeah, yeah, I got an alternative. Let’s get in that old whirly-bird, find us an island some place, get juiced up and spend what time we got left soakin’ up some sunshine! How’s that?...

–Aren’t we one big happy family? –So are the people in Greek tragedies. I’d leave a guy for a film, but I’d never leave a film for a guy. In my day, makeup was makeup, and an actress was an actress. JE VOUS PRESENTE PAMELA Just what is a director? A director is someone who is constantly asked...

–Are you a man or a mouse? –You put a piece of cheese down there and you’ll find out. –Have you got a women in here? –If I haven’t, I’ve wasted thirty minutes of valuable time. –We come to hang the paper. –How about hanging yourselves? 1) Col. Hawkins. I’m looking for information on Dr. Hackenbush...

(we need to find penicillin)JD:it’s all in russian. Brian:hey guys i found it. Sam:how do you know? Brian:because it says penicillin on the bottle. 1) Maybe you should get someone to help you with that radio. 2) I’m the president of the electronics club, the math club, and the chess club, if...

(1)Roll the rescue stations. (2)Half those stations have been knocked out. (1)Get me another list. (2)Sure, I’ll just pull one out of my ass, right? (1)What are they doing? Why do they come here? (2)Some kind of instinct. Memory of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives....

1)Dammit, Bill — how could you do something like this to me? 2)Something like what? 1)Oh, come on, we’re not children. I didn’t have anything to do with this Fidelity nonsense and you know it. 2)All I’ve got is my integrity. That’s all I have. Now I don’t know why you turned your attack dogs on me....

#1 But you can’t seriously say that you’ve never found Brett attractive… #2. Tash, I can say it. #1 Nice ass, Brett! #2 Thanks, babe. #1 What’s the name for the chemical produced in the brain when one human being is physically attracted to another? #2 Ah…that’d be….steam? #1. You’re probably just...