Innocent English

–I thought you were dead. –I was. I came back. Bird of freedom. Children of the ghetto. I ain’t going nowhere with your homo-cide ass! I’m from the lost black tribe of Israel…the Yo’s. If God made somethin’ better than crack cocaine he woulda kept ‘dat shit fo’ himself! Newborn friend. People in...

And when are we going to be given a billion dollars to wipe out cancer. flack to lady ace come in lady ace this flack to lady ace come in lady ace. God have mercy on us if we haven’t the sense to keep the world at peace. Heroes don’t just shoot people. They put supper on the table. I can tell you...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â Here are some Funny George Carlin jokes and quotations: Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Why do they put Braille on...

(shreak… shreak) a whole gang of chocolate, (shreak), i need it badly! 1) Would you please stop hitting the back of my chair i’m trying to sleep! 2) I’m sorry Ms. Nice Older Person, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Perhaps you were having a nightmare about your earlier days in the...

(1)Do you know what real love is, Kristel? (2) No. (1) Sacrifice. (shoots her) (1)I must say, you’re a real piece of work. (2) I must say, you’re a real piece of shit. (1)Tucker and Walker! We’re missing 3 bags. (2)What’s in them? (1)None of your fucking business! (3)Suits, socks, 100 million...

#1 We only take injuries here. #2 Well I guess I’ll go out and get hit by a truck and then come back. (1)I have been sober for three years. (2)Yeah right, that’s what all the drunks say, how they’re gonna get sober and all. They even say they love you but they don’t. And then they come home wasted...

Ammer: Anyway the sooner you… get back to… work the sooner you… be partnerised. I taste shit. Michael Newman: you do? Ammer: Stacy did you put shit in my lunch? oh. Apparently when you combine yodels with large quanities of cough syrup you get acid. do you have a unverisal remote? for what? for a...

*EAT PUSSY spraypainted on building* Jay: Oh we totally do. *Quick Stop is toast* Randall: Terrorists? … I left the coffee pot on again didn’t I? Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom’s home? *to Silent Bob* Be really fuckin’ quiet. Advocating ass to mouth. At least you...

…my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my current girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks. #1 Cute cat. What’s its name? #2 Annoying customer. #1 Hey, are they any balls down there? #2 About the biggest pair you ever seen!…Dingleberry. #1 Just go open the video store. #2 Yeah, you cock...

And the Roman asked, -Was this well done of your lady?- And the servant answered, -Extremely well, as befitting of the last of so many noble rulers.- Antony is dead? You say that as if it were a everyday occurrence. The soup is hot, the soup is cold. Antony is alive, Antony is dead. C: You will...

–Do you love me? –Yes. –Then I have everything I need. –Now tell your wife you’re all right. –Am I? –Yes. –Pepsi for breakfast? –One of those bad habits. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. That’s never changed. I need to report a missing person. It’s a household of disappointed people. There...

(1) You are such a boy scout. You see everything in black and white. (2) No, no, no Ritter. Not black and white. Right and wrong. –So go down there. Establish it. –Go down where? –Columbia. –Who, me? –The chicken is in the pot, over. –Cook it! daggar this is knife! over! daggar, this is knife!...

Barney! Could you not poke the body with the stick, please? 1- I’m not your friend. 2- Sure ‘ya are, fishin’ buddy! 1. Promise me something will you. 2. What’s that? 1. Promise you’ll stop finding dead people. A Lot of people start off hot, then I;m kinda the fireman, I cool them down a little bit....

Black men have made great contributions, Fredrick Douglas, W.E.B Dubuois. To bad you didn’t get Knocked up by any of them. Claudine not doing well, well you tell her I’m not singing for joy myself. You tell her yourself you son of a bitch It’s a nice building, you get a bett class of cockroaches....

–She used to like ice cream. –She used to like you. …..And if you so much as LOOK in my daughter’s direction, they won’t even be able to identify you from your dental records 1. 1941. Kempler v Walden. Issue? Come on, issue! 2. I haven’t the vaugest idea. 1. The court ruled that children have the...

Asian man in broken english: Ohh, thats a herra truck BLAZE:im mean yeah fool Dad, we’ve been through this before. I’m just expressing myself aerodynamically. Duncan: Mom, dad, this is my friend Bade Brown. Duncans Dad: Blade, thats your name? Blade: Dad, is that yours? I’m gonna puke up nasty...

(1)Lights! (rest of building)Fuck you, Roscoe! (1)I said lights, nipplenose! (2)That’s Mister Nipplenose to you, Maybaum! Cut it out! Even I may not get laid tonight, although that’s highly unlikely. Great douchebag! Hiding from love. Little drummer boy. Nice jacket. What a gonad! You...

1. I demand justice! 2. Do you demand justice, or revenge? 1. We have told you all that we know. We can tell you no more. 2. Now give us the eye!! 3. We must have it!! Give us the eye! 4. Here, catch! A helmet! A sword! A shield! Even if we, the gods, are abandoned or forgetten, the stars will...

‘Clambake’ ‘You Don’t Know Me’ –I hope you know how to take care of yourself. I know karate! –Oh, shut up. Hmm. That looks interesting. Or would dangerous be a better word? Mister, your sandwich is ready and waiting. Mr. Jameson, I just love to squeeze. Now listen, son, maybe you’d be good enough...

[Tagline] Justice has its price. –What’s your take? –They’ll see the truth. …A dead child is worth the least of them all. A dead plaintiff is rarely worth as much as a living, married person… Do me a favor…Shut the fuck up. Eight kids are dead, Jerry. I don’t run away from bullies. I got two...