Innocent English

#1- Lord, we give you Curley. Try not to piss him off. #2- That’s it? #3 What more is there I’ve got chickens burning. #1- So do you…do you hate baseball? #2- No I like baseball. I just never understood how you guys can spend so much time discussing it, I mean I’ve been to games, but I don’t...

–Are you married? –No. –Are you homeless? –No. –What happened? –Free will. 1) Can you see me? Can you see me? 2) Yeah, buddy, we can see you. 1)Is this blood? Is this blood? 2)Is it *red*?? 1)Red? Red……..color!!!! 1) Do you come in here often? 2) I live here. 1)….What do you do? 2) Read. 1)No, I...

–Everything all right? –All right for me…Not for him. –How about a fast game of sleeper? –What’s that? –That’s where you take your best shot, and…I put you to sleep. –Shorty. –Hi. After you get the information, then you can kill him. Cross me and you’re snail food. I abhor violence. I want my...

Are you fucking people DEAF? I said I want an ABORTION!! Are you fucking people deaf? I said I wanted an abortion! At least I wouldn’t have had to suck your boyfriend’s cock Fuck you, man! You don’t know anything!! Is that model glue? Is that my model glue? You’re not supposed to smell it like...

-You still eating? -I’m still hungry. A fellow will remember a lot of the things you wouldn’t think he’d remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â Actual Funny Country Song Titles Here is a great list of humorous, funny, stupid, dumb and hilarious song titles. All...

All right. I’ll touch it. But I won’t jiggle it about. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. He could have anyone at all. Why would he look at me? I could love you again, but I don’t think I want to. I don’t care what the priests say. I think we should do as we feel. I dont know why you let me go to...

****waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought useless and disappointing. half the night i waste in sighs half in dreams i sorrow for the hand- the lips- the eyes for the waiting of tomorrow Austin (Nomad): Wait, I can’t sleep without knowing there’s hope. Half the night I waste in...

–Little fresh air. –Joe, this is Jersey. –Yeah. Good point. 1-Listen to me, your legs are getting heavy. Your too slow, it’s over. 2- Just get me another fight Joe. 1-What’s done is done. 2-Not always. 1-I’m sorry Jimmy In all the history of the boxing game you find no human interest story to...

1) What did you think of my daughter? 2) she bats her eyes 1) um…my other daughter Prunella? 2) ah yes, she creeks! 1)Like it Gus, Gus? Like it? Like it? 2) Yeahhhhh 3)Oh and dont forget to warn him about the cat. 1) Gus, ever seen a Cat cat? 2) Cat, Cat? 1) Rusifie Cat Cat. Mean, Sneaky, Jump at...

–Women are an universal problem. –Can’t live with them and can’t live without them. -Hey, why are you doing this? It can’t be for the money. -Yeah, it’s for my kind of money, guts money. I want to see that smug old bastard gutted. Gutted! -Like he gutted you? -Yes, that’s right. That’s right! -How...

I fail to see how a little Christianity could hurt anyone. Sometimes, rules need to be broken to make things right. And thus I begin my new life, in a new name, with everything new about me. I felt as if I were in a dream. The rememberance of my old life is fraught with so much want of hope....

#1)Is there a name for this private little world of yours, huh? What happens there when we don’t just run away? You’ll kill us… with a soup cup? #2)Tea, actually. #1)What’s that? #2)I’ll kill you with my teacup. 1) What are you going to do? Kill me with your soup cup? *chuckles* 2) Tea cup. I’m...

‘Are you with me?’ ‘To the death.’ 1) Numbers don’t win a war my lord. 2) No, but I bet they help! 1. But that’s a girl’s coat! 2. I know. Did that bird just psst us? Do not cite the deep magic to me witch, I was there when it was written. EDMUND: Whoa, Horsey! Whoa! PHILIP THE HORSE: My name is...

(Last lines) Luther: Skipping Christmas, what a stupid idea! Nora: Maybe next year 1) Any messages? 2) Yeah, Santa called and told me I’d have to buy my own cheap perfume this year because you’re skipping Christmas. 1) I can’t belive I went along with this stupid idea. 2) Stupid idea!? Yesterday...

#1- They traded Bullfrog, I don’t believe it. #2- What’s that? #1- The Sox traded Bullfrog the only player they’ve got for Shottenhoffen. Four-eyes Shottenhoffen a utility infielder. They’ve got a whole team of utility infielders. #2- That’s nice. #1- What is the name of the Lone Ranger’s nephew’s...

…then I made him get rid of it, for decency. Car came back three weeks later. Arnie:Look I’m sorry about the movie, but this is work. Dennis:Don’t worry about it. bug out, dennis, you don’t need this Did it ever occur to you that part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids? See ya’ round...

–Can I sit in your lap? –Do you always come on like this? –No, sometimes I’m aggressive. –What do you do in the Bronx? –Hope to get out. –You were a terrible dancer. –Why do you think I became a choreographer? ALAN: (sings) Time to doubt… BEBE: (sings) to break out… DON: (sings) It’s a mess! ALL:...

1/ Awww c’mon Keithie, I thought I was a good bloke 2/ Ha! What have you ever done that was good? 1/ Well, I bashed you…. that was good, wasn’t it?…. good for a bit of a giggle anyway 2/ You’re insane, Read! 1/ Beethoven had his critic’s too Keithie…. see if you can name 3 of ’em 1/ Nice shirt, son...

Don’t wave that gruesome object at me. I’m an actress. I live for my public. I avail myself of the freedom given by my profession. It spares us so many conventional stupidities. Maria’s voice is certainly wasted here. She gave up a very promising operatic career to marry you. Oh, I suppose you’d...