Innocent English

I’m a Whore!!! 1)She has a certain perkiness that the role requires. 2)She’s perky alright…she makes you want to sneak up behind her with a pillow and suffocate her! 1)so what does it feel like to kill someone? 2)feels ok 1)feels ok? 2)feels ok. Don’t speak, don’t speak… Guilt is petty bourgeois...

1) Say it again. I love the way he says it. 2) Disneyland 1)’Devils Dropoff’, a little hard to make out in the dark 2) i’dd like to make out with you in the dark. 1)Charlie, are you getting a woody doin’ this? 2)Uh-uh, I had one before we started. 1)Great. I like the porn. 2)Well…good. 1)I’m...

Okay, well a candlesticks always make a nice gift, and a maybe find out where she is registered…maybe a place setting or a silverware pattern is good, Okay, let’s get two, Here we go! #1-Excuse me what the ‘heck’ is going on out here? #2- Well, Nuke is scared because his eye lids are jammed and his...

A few books, you must have stole a library alright! i’ll go manicure my gloves! Charlie! Yonkers! It’s a double cross Charlie, Anchors – it’s a double cross FLOWIZ! FA ME? HOW NICE! Have you eaten? Ever since i was a kid. Then how come you’re so skinny, wisey? Because i watch my weight. Yeah, i do...

–That’s Bugsy Siegel’s house. –He doesn’t like that name. –Everybody calls him that. –Not to his face, they don’t. 1)Ben! Gee, you’re looking great. Like a million bucks of real money. 2)You look pretty cute yourself, Georgie Boy. And very dapper. 1)That’s what they pay me for. 1)I need money, Ben....

BUFFY:its a stupid dance with a bunch of stupid ppl i see every stupid day Maddison:oh so now we’re like…stupid #1: We can do anything. #2: Oh yeah? Clap. ‘Scuse much, rude or anything? Yeah, nice ensamble. What a homeless. ‘You threw a knife at my head.’ ‘And you caught it.’ ‘But…you threw a KNIFE...

–Who’s playing that radio? –Nobody. It’s playin’ by itself. 1/ left shoulder arm…. right shoulder arm…. left shoulder arm…. right shoulder arm….left shoulder arm…. right shoulder arm….left shoulder arm…. right shoulder arm…. 2/ Why dont you make up your mind???!!! Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. How can...

(1)How do you do it Mark? (2)Immunities, baby. Immunities. 500 DOLLA! Actually I’m more of a bitch than a whore All right, plan B. Did you finish the note? ……… Mr. and Mrs. Livingston we have kidnapped your son. Pay one hundred thousand dollars, or he dies, signed the Jews….. Are you...

i got the power (teens gawk at sports car)1. Wow, nice car! 2. Yeah, it gets me from A to B. 1)Could you give me a hand here? 2)Well, I’ve got some stuff to do…raincheck! 1)I’ll hold you to it. 2)I’ll see you on the seventh, at seven. 1)Seventh at seven it is. 1. Is this heaven? 2. It’s Mount...

1/ He’s crazy 2/ No he’s not, he’s dangerous 3/ Someone oughta stop him 4/ Put a bullet in him 1/ Let me put this as simple as I can, Mr B******* … you gotta stop digging. 2/ Why? 1/ Because you have been salaried to run one the best conceived prisons in this country, sir…. because although...

…to hip hop. I loved you, I still do…and I always will. And then he gone walk off. . .in the fog. . .with some other dude. Come on man, with another dude. . .in the fog. Come on, 2 grown men walk off in the fog. . .you don’t know where they goin’. Think about it man. Hope you don’t think you...

–So what’d ya give up for Lent? –I gave up resolutions this year. Hey shit for brains… the only thing I want to hear out of you is nuthin’ I don’t need any new ideas. I’m confused enough already. I like being a pessimist – it makes it easier for me to deal with my inevitable failure Man is like a...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â The best funny quotes and really dumb sayings and quotes from bumper stickers, T-shirts, & graffiti. Everyone has a...

A major problem has been how to put our surpluses to work in legitimate enterprises. Everybody gonna speak English. Finks I handle myself. A dead bird right in the mouth. Honor. Loyalty. Betrayal. It’s another world here. Los Angeles has two good mechanics ready in case there’s any heavy work to be...

Dear Abby has been around a long, long time. And she’s received tens of thousands of letters over the years. It just stands to reason that a few of those are going to be a little bit humorous, or even laugh out loud funny. Here is a collection of funny letters to Dear Abby, which have been...

You’ve probably seen some of these classic dumb, stupid and funny warning labels and product instructions before. Some are painfully obvious, some don’t quite master the English language, and others are unintended double meanings… Most are pretty darn funny.  So, in case you missed any,...

Embarrassing medical exam stories and Funny doctor examination stories:Â True funny stories and accounts reported by doctors asked to give the funniest or most unusual physical exam stories. The physical exam: Sometimes awkward, sometimes embarrassing, and quite a ripe set up for some humorous...

#1- Do either of you know where the lights touch the earth? #2- Yeeeeaaaa..a NO. #1- I spy something green. #2- Tree. #1- You wouldn’t like us eh. We’re really gamey. #2- Ya… eat hoof for brains over there. #1- Oh nice, eh. Pinecone breath. #2- Crusty tail. #1- Twig legs. #2- Big nose. #1-(gasp)...

-Go fuck Yaself -Your real fuckin emotional 1) How do you know? 2) My father told me 1) Oh yeah, well my father told me that’s how it starts 1)don’t you trust anybody? 2)no 1)that’s a terrible way to live. 2)for me it’s the only way to live. 1)not for me. not for me. 1)jimmy, go get a towel from...

And as our friends south of the border say, adios, amigo. And so, as our friends south of the border say, adios, amigos. Don’t ever tell a lie and say your prayers at night before you go to bed. I think every kid in America ought to go to school at least up through the eighth grade. I want you to...