Innocent English

Some of you niggaz don’t know when they have a good thing coming why don’t you limp your black ass back in there and fuck you! 1) Angela is a NICE girl! 2) Oh so I can’t be with a nice girl? 3) NO! 1) Are you saying your parents are smoking pot in my bathroom? 2) No, they’re in there fucking. 1)...

#1. My tent won’t stay up, Jack. #2. Open your flaps and I’ll take a look. #1. Oh Jack, you really got me pegged. #1. Our school motto. You know what it means? #2. Yeah…something about rectums. 1) She’s like ten years old. 2) So what? My cocker spaniel’s only 5! 1)There’s nothing but sluts in here....

(COLLEGE KID) You got me hard — you could at least jack me off or something, lady. (ROLLERGIRL) What the fuck did you say? (COLLEGE KID) It’s not so cool to leave me with a hard on. (ROLLERGIRL) Fuck you. (COLLEGE KID) Nice life you’ve got here. Should be proud of what you’ve become . . . . . I...

–Hey, you’re fillin’ out there. Must be that prison food. –Hell, no! It’s married life. -Hey, that ain’t ours! -Sure it is. -But we come in this one. -That don’t mean we have to go home in it! -I spent a year in reformatory. -Whooee! A man with a record. -What would you do if some miracle happened...

your confused because your lost,,,,and your lost because you dont know where you are! Bon voyage, Bitch! David: That’s great, God, yeah…good, good good. Robert: That is nice. Devlin:(singing) It was a big day on Jesus Ranch, Jesus Ranch. I feel inlove with a baked potato. That’s when I started to...

At Ruppert High, there are only two types of students, cooperative and life-threatening. Decency is what your grandmother taught you. Financial ‘Master of the Universe’. If, in this case, the truth won’t set you free – then lie. Just remember, a frantic salesman is a dead one. Justice is the law....

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â Here are some funny resume mistakes: “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.” “Education: College, August...

119? Amelia : What, you think that because of your condition you have the right to boss people around? I’m sorry, but that is truly pathetic. Rhyme : Truly? Amelia : Damn right, truly. Amelia: Its not my area Lincoln: Are you just being modest or are you scared to do some real police work? Destiny...

–U.S. Treasury…You see this guy?–Yeah, I checked them out. They said they were going to the Penthouse. And when you’re young, you got plenty of time. But now we’re not young anymore, so time is very important. In fact, it’s the most important thing we got. I can’t pay anymore. I’m telling you, kid,...

(deleted scene, in an english accent). i want to sniff some cocaine. (guy) Take me off your list! (Seth) Fine! I’ll take you of my list of succesful people! (prospect) I think I’ll Pass. (Seth) Ron, the only people that are passing are quarterbacks, and I don”t se a number on your back. … so I went...

–Dad? –We’re okay! –Stay with Rachel! –How many times have you seen that film? –About sixty-two. –Sixty-two times? –I’ve been watching you all night from across the room. –Why don’t you go back there and keep watching? –I’ve got ears. –I’ll remember that. –Portman. What are you doing here? –I’m on...

…love and death, these are things I don’t see happening. At least not to me A man fucks a woman. A woman fucks a man. Who is taking advantage of who? Huh! Tell me! A woman denies you sex, and she cuts you deep. And don’t tell me she doesn’t know that. A woman’s orgasm – you have no idea. Think...

–Counsel for the Prosecution has already used this witness to establish the state of mind of the deceased. He opened the can, Your Honor. –And I do see worms crawling all around you, Mr. Garrett. 1)What did she say ? 2) She said she was going to fuck me…like I’ve never been fucked before ! 3)...

–How did he get so fat? –Stock market, real estate, investments. –Me, I need tending. Someone to take care of me. Someone to rub my tired muscles, smooth out my sheets. –Get married. –I just need it for tonight. –My God, it’s hot. Stepped out of the shower and started sweating again. Is it still...

–Knock them dead. –They’re already dead in Seattle. Action, Jake. Detective: Come on, Scully. Tell the truth. You fucked her and you kept them for a souvenier. Jake Scully: No. Detective: No what, you didn’t fuck her or keep her panties? Jake: No to both of them. Detective: Well maybe you’re just a...

–Don’t you have a home, John? –Well, this is my home, you know that. –Retirement doesn’t suit you, does it? –No, sir. And I want you all to check the back of it, all right, to make sure that there are no stray bits of punched-out paper called ‘card-hole-aggregate-debris.’ Or what the, uh, what the...

Alice, listen. I don’t want to sleep with Ted, and Bob does not want to sleep with you. First, we’ll have an orgy. Then we’ll go see Tony Bennett. First, we’ll have an orgy. Then we’ll go see Tony Bennett. hiiiiiii captain,i am jebus I do hide my feelings……I’m…afraid of you. Now, you wouldn’t want...

#1 How often do the trains go by? #2 So often you won’t even notice. #1 What are we doing here? #2 You said you’d visit the penguin when you got out #1 Okay so I lied #2 You can’t lie to a nun we gotta go in there and visit the penguin! #1 No FUCKING WAY! #1- Are you the police? #2- No ma’am, we’re...

(1) Great. They have automatic weapons. We have carpet tacks. (2) There not carpet tacks. They’re dry wall nails. (1)You wish to enter the contest. (2) We wish to win first prize! 1)She’s a 130-year-old, voo-doo witch who eats peaple?2)The Lord works in mysterious ways! 1.so when do u want us to...

1) You want to go for a beer? 2) No. 1) No, what? 2)I don’t want to. 1) Don’t want to what? 2)Go for a beer. 1) What a good idea! 1. hey baby. 2. It’s daddy you bitch and where’s my fucking bourban!!!! Dorothy: I have a part of you with me. You put your disease in me. It helps me. It makes me...