Innocent English

–Are you blind? –Yeah. What’s your excuse? –Oh, shut up, Ed! If you can’t handle it, get me somebody who can! Get me Bruce Lee! –Bruce Lee is dead. –Then get his brother! 1)SHIT 2)FUCK 1+2)SHITFUCK Not bad for a blind man. That butter bnife ain’t gonna stop no bullet Welcome to my world. Welcome to...

–I swear on my mother’s grave. –Your mother is playing the back nine at Bel Air. –I was speaking in future tense. 1. New car? 2. Yes (1. throws up on the floor) 1; But I dont love him. 2; Neither do I. Whats your point? Anybody seen her. DAD Planning on having kids? David) No DAD then i know what...

1) Well you’ll catch him, I got a good feeling about this. 2) You do, huh? 1) You’re wrong about one thing, though 2) What’s that? 1) You’re not working alone tonight. A good man is never alone in this world. 1) About a year ago, they started hunting children. 2) What does this have to do with...

#1 They said you were hung! #2 They were right. #1-Just give me twenty-four hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save our town. Just twenty-four hours. That’s all I ask. Townsfolk: No! #1-You’d do it for Randolph Scott. #1-Just give me twenty-four hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save...

AUDIENCE:TAKE IT OFF!!!(BLAZE RUNS BACKSTAGE)BLAZE:THEY’RE ANIMALS.THEY WANT ME TO TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF.RED:I GUESS THIS JUST ISN’T A MOCKINGBIRD HILL CROED.JUST GO BACK OUT THERE.BLAZE:I AIN’T GOING BACK OUT THERE.THEY’RE ANIMALS.RED:ANIMALS?ANIMALS?LOOK OUT THERE>THOSE aRE OUR FIGTING MEN’HEADED...

1) And we also got these! (holds up a pair of rollerblades) Can I skate around your block? 2) Yeah, Eve. Can he skate around your block? 3) No. 2) Oh, come on just a couple of laps. It won’t take long. 1) Bon soir, mademosielle. 2) What are you, French? 1) Eve, can I skate around your block? 2)...

-singing- They’re gonna kill me, They’re gonna smash me like a little bug, Im a dead man. ::haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah:: you wouldn’t understaaaand. Anybody can be a hero. Anyone can be a hero. blankman:look,i’m a crimefighter? Blankman:You better Belive it you villian giant bug. Manili:they...

1. You see anyone who looks like him? 2. Yeah, he looks like him, she looks like him and look, way over there, there goes his little twin brother, you expect me to find him out of all these kids in this park? Damien and Ralph sleep butt to face Damien and Ralph sleep butt to face…butt to face…butt...

(Matthew)But they’re naked! (Victor)Try to picture them with clothes on. (Matthew)I’ve always had a problem handling nudity. I like it, mind you. But it is troubling. Anybody’s. Even my own. Sometimes, when I’m getting undressed, I almost wish I could leave the room. You know what I mean?...

Heather: I’m not allowed to smoke, but Mike’s allowed to fart as much as he wants? Josh: I gave Mike no fart allowance. Heather: This is the first time we’ve seen Mike’s chest. It’s like blank, hairy, blank, hairy. Michael: You should see my ass. Heather: We have enough battery power to run a small...

Erica: May I have permission to take this leaf? Jeff: If you don’t believe in the Blair Witch, then why the hell did you come along? Kim: I thought the movie was cool. Jeff: That was in Burkittsville. I never shop in Burkittsville. I don’t even piss there. Jeff: You know, there’s a lot of nay...

1. I’ll pick you up in an hour.2. Great!!! That will give me some time to wax my chest. Chazz: (to Jimmy) We’re going to Montreal, bitch! Chazz: Troubled childhood? If you call being a nine year old kid with a thirty-five year old girlfriend troubled. Coach: You’re the girl. Jimmy: What?! Chazz:...

(Zoey to Drake):My friends are coming to kill you *little vampire dog comes around the corner* King: Fuck me. *2 vampire rotweilers come around the corner* King: Fuck me sideways! …they’ll kill me. Blade: Kill you?! Motherfucker I’ll kill you. I’ll just enjoy it more. 1) What the hell makes you...

(1) Is it real? -points to a large python- (2) Oh please honey, you think a girl like me can afford to buy a REAL snake? –He say you are blade runner. –Tell him I’m eating. –This sector is closed to ground traffic. What are you doing here? –I’m working. What are you doing? –Arresting you, that’s...

You wanna catch the hunter? You gotta start with the prey. (In a different language) What the fuck? .38, .45, and .9mm caliber, all with foil capsules and the tip filled with silver nitrate and garlic extract. This hyper velocity stake gun spits out a silver stake at 6,000 feet per second. Since...

(1) funk you!! (2) fuck me? no you funk this!! — There are worse things out tonight than vampires — Like what?? — Like me…. —OK….. vampire anatomy 101 …. crosses & running water dont do dick so forget what you see in the movies…..you use a stake, silver or sunlight…… do you know how to use one of...

A Black Widow: She mates, then she kills. A complex series of seductions and murders. That’s not what you see something a woman do. Mr. Shin, I’ll tell you two things about me. I’m very rich. And I’m very wealthy. She married three different men. She killed all of them. Two guys die within four...

–I’ve come about the shipment of Madonna statues from Hong Kong. –Identification. –Gaza. –Yes, well I’ve some bad news for you. –My name’s Lander. I’ve an appointment with Mr. Pugh at ten-thirty. –Disability? –No. –Did you take a number? –No. –Then take a number. Cancel the Super Bowl? That’s like...

(fridge falls on Mike) Mike:Ah shit I got chocolate pudding in my pants! Steve:Uhhh Mike there wasnt any chocolate pudding in there. 1) do you have any idea of how fast you were going? 2) im gonna say 65 tops. 1) 7…7 miles per hour. and usually when i pull people people over, they pull over in the...

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