Innocent English

How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless? 1-Mistletoe is deadly if you eat it. 2-A kiss is even deadlier if you mean it. I am Catwoman. Hear me roar. (1) Can you make up a dirty limerick or something? (2) One has just sprung to mind. (1) Salena, Salena, Salena… (2) That’s my name,...

-Holy rusted metal, Batman!! -What?? -THe Island!! It’s made out of metal!! 1) Hey Two-Face! Show me how to punch a guy! 2) It’s darn simple my boy, simply ball up the fist, reach way back and assert yourself. 1) Looks like fun! Let me try, Let me try!! 2) Ball the fist… 1)Ball fist… 2)reach way...

‘does it come in black’ ‘Drunken Billionaire Burns Down Mansion’ (As Alfred pulls back his curtains) Bats are nocturnal! (first man snatches dollar bills from hot dog stand) Second man: hey! I’ve got a wife and kids! (headline of newspaper) Drunk Billionaire Burns Down Mansion ***it’s not who you...

(1) And you are? (2) Batgirl (1) That’s not awfully P.C. How about Batperson of Batwoman? (1) I can’t belive we were fighting over a bad-guy. (2) Bad–yes–guy–no. (1) What are you, about a 50 big and tall? (2) No, I always go a size smaller–makes me look slimmer. (poison ivy telling batman) poison...

HE STOLE MY BALOONS!!! WHY DIDN’T SOMEBODY TELL ME HE HAD ONE OF THOSE……….THINGS??!!!!!!!!!! (1): Looks like some kinda body armor. (2): Check his wallet. (Joker looking at picture of Batman’s girl friend.) She doesn’t know it but she is about to trace up. (Joker looking at picture of Batman’s girl...

1/ I really appreciate you volunteering with us for this flight, Ham… I thought you had your sights set on being a *full bird* 2/ I got my sights set on a condo at the 7th fairway at Tuscon National… 6 months from now, that’s where the old lady and me’ll be 1/ Well, that sounds awfully exciting 2/...

-I’m going to blow my fuckin brains out, no I’m going to take these pills. -Hold on, talk to me…. what kinds of pills -reds, greens, blue, whole fucking rainbow Lady on TV: And it was like. . .Boom, for real. 1: What did she just say? 2 rewinds. TV: Boom, for real. 1: Boom, for real. I can’t even...

and the rain sort of remains on the branches of the tree that will someday rule the earth, and its good that theres rain, it clears the month of all our sorrow rainbow expressions and it washes the streets of the silent armies so that we can dance and you want to stop.. you really do.. but its like...

–I’m not the one on trial for murder. –Not yet. –I’m sorry, there’s no smoking in here. It’s a rule. –I don’t like rules. –Well, I see that you’re a writer. What do you write about? –Murder, sex, violence. All addiction is progressive. The addict always needs to take greater risks. Everything she...

(CATHERINE) I’d have to be pretty stupid to write a book about a killing and then kill him the way I described in my book. I’d be announcing myself as the killer. I’m not stupid. You… fucked her! Goddamn dumb sonofabitch… You fucked her! Goddamn, you are one dumb sonofabitch –! (BETH) What do I say...

(1)At one point I want you to go bad cop on him; the signal will be my rubbing my nose. (2)Not scratching your balls? (1)Look for both. –So, what are you gonna do? –I think I need a beer. -But I thought you two hated each other -Well I’m not all that fond of him, and he is kinda of a jerk 1) We’ve...

1. Ewwwwww i got one of brittenys mom’s pubes in my mouth 2.YUCK!!!!! 1.Ewww heres another one! (as Denslo is choking) Coop: Oh Im sorry, they stopped selling them [hotdogs] after the 7th inning, SOMEONE GET THIS MAN A HOT DOG! (group huddle) One…Two…Three…FUCK THE MEXICANS!!!! (Remer comes over to...

–Hey Bart, it’s just me, Charlie– Really? I hear it’s Munt. Madman Munt– Geez. People can be so cruel. If it’s not my build, it’s my personality.– –Where’s Audrey? –She’s dead, if that was her name. 1) You read the Bible, Frank? 2)The Holy Bible? I think so…anyway, I heard about it… Couple days ago...

For money, well timed and properly applied, can accomplish anything. Good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now. He was one of those born clever enough at gaining a fortune, but incapable of keeping one. For the qualities and energies which lead a man to achieve the first,...

1) I hate cops. Do you hate cops? 2) No, but I feel better when they’re not around. 1-You worked last year? 2-Yeah. Six months in a toy factory. You don’t know how men suffer for children. Ah. Hatred. The only thing that lasts. Anyone can get a job. It takes a real man to make it without working....

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â Some of the funniest Wedding Quotes: I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!...

1. A glass of waters fine. 2. Except we don’t have any glasses either. You could put your head under the sink and just shlurp. 1. Its only a little hole. 2. Yeah but with that wind it could blow 6 foot drifts into the bathroom. 1. Paul, aren’t theses marvelous? 2. Yes they’re marvelous. 1.What...

A movie script has to make sense, and life doesn’t. A press agent is many things, most of them punishable by law. Do you know why I put up with it? I need the money. I’m going home with him. And you know why? Because I’m a tramp. It’s never too late to develop character. Just this once, Kirk, why...

1: You’re very perceptive. 2: What? 1: I said you’re very perceptive! 2: What?!? 1: (Speaking slowly) YOU ARE VERY PER-CEP-TIVE! All those loud, badly dressed, fat people watching their eighty channels of television and visiting shopping malls. The plastic throw-everything-away society with its...

…Rodney King deserved to get his beat for being grown in a Hyundai… 1)hey where you goin? 2)her with that attitude na ah 3)don’t be scurred Aint this a Barbershop? Aint this a Barbershop? EDDIE….nigga Eddie:…..man FUCK Jesse Jackson. I think I messed up my part I’m gonna cut somebody I’m gonna get...