Innocent English

A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming! A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming. A life without a cause is a life without effect. An angel has no memory. De-crucify the angel or I’ll melt your face off! Evil Queen: So I’m your little one-eyed wench. I’m also the Great...

–Mom caught me and Julio in the pool together. –So? –We weren’t swimming! -Stay in your lane- -Which lane are you refering to?- -The one that your in- -Then what’s the problem?- 2.)Why? !.) Because your spoiled brats thats why! 2.) No we’re not! 1.)What’s this? 2.) A banana hammock. 1.) A hammock...

–Alright, brothers, where’s the bank money? –What bank money? –How does a man become an animal like you? –He just has to put in a lot of work, that’s all. –I thought he was your friend? –He is, but that don’t make him any less disgusting. –Why do you ride with men like these? –Oh, I don’t know. I...

(Awaking)Hmmm…BEAVERS AND DUCKS! (talking about a phobia of antique furniture) Anything before 1050 gives me the heebie-jeebies! (talking about a phobia of antique furniture) Anything before 1950 gives me the heebie-jeebies! -Harvey sees Terry and Kate drive up- Hey you two guys! We sure were...

Did you ever try spreading ideals on a cracker? I can stand anything but failure. I can stand anything but pain. I recognize you…even without makeup She was bad. She was dangerous. I wouldn’t trust her any farther than I could throw her. But she was my kind of woman. Tony, may we say something?...

But nothing worthwhile is easily bought. Freedom’s a white word. I guess down in my heart I’ll always be what I was. Just a damn Yankee skipper. Monsieur seems to be using a lot of words to discuss nothing. Never mind what my name was. No flogging. So you joined that band of angels? Sold for $5,000...

(Melish)I was in the Black Studies program. By now I could’ve been black! (Melish)You busy tonight? (Secretary)I’m having some friends over. We’re going to show some pornographic movies. (Melish)You need an usher? (Rebel leader)Why are you such a sniveling dog? (Melish)That depends on what you mean...

1. Come on out *****, come on. It’s safe now. We don’t have to hide any longer. 2. What happened mother? Why did we all run? 1. Man was in the forest. 1. He’s kind of bashful, isn’t he Mamma? 2. Well, maybe he wouldn’t be if you’d say hello. 1. Hello ***** (He doesn´t answer) I said...

1. Every time there is a race, you run around like you’re in it! 2. And one day I will be. A dog, cannot make this journey alone….but..maybe a wolf can. Bears! Fellas! Idiot balls of fluff!! You are not drowning because if you will pause one moment, you will observe perhaps–TIDE IS OUT!! better not...

1) There’s too much collateral motion, please advise! 2) Call in the local PD, we’ll use them for cover! 1) Where did you get all this ordinance? 2) Some women collect shoes. 1) Where is our mysterious killer? 2) She’s not a killer. 1) Then what is she? 2) She’s a mother. Enjoy your time in...

–No water between Gila and Deaddog? –Nope. –Would you doubt a man of the Gospel? –Of course. That’s the first man I’d doubt. -Gonna have to buy you a flag pole. -I’ll make my own. Horseless carriage. Don’t look that good to me. I’d be nothing in town. I’m worth something, ain’t I? Two acres at...

–I shot him in the stomach. –Is he upset? -Hey why you always walkin’ ahead of me? -Well why are you always walkin’ behind me? At this moment, I didn’t feel shame or fear, but just kind of blah, like when you’re sitting there and all the water’s run out of the bathtub. Before we left, he shot a...

Everything you need, you’ll get from her I’ll be dead in a minute; just wanted to say good-bye. I’m not ambitious, not an artist, not a poet, not a revolutionary. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what normal means. If we’re gonna meet, it might as well be now. Leave and you kill me,...

1) You’d never guess What I had to do in there. 2) What, did they make you swallow some guy’s chuck? 1:Perhaps I could all be a bit shy, I think this is a job for real men! Alien: I’m sure you’ll be pleased to be leaving this shitty planet! Derek: Now, what do you do to who’s doing on my planet?...

listen buddie ive boned alot of fat chicks in my life but i dont evert recall fornicating any. (1)What is it with you anyway? Someone drop you on your fucking head? (2)On my head? (1)Well yeah, what are they going to drop you on someone else’s head? (2)How can they drop me onto my own head? (1)No,...

#1-Jumping catfish! What a great arm, who is that kid? #2-Of course he’s got a great arm Buttermaker he’s the best athlete in the area, but you don’t understand that’s Kelly Leak. #3-Talk about a loan shark I borrowed a nickel from him last week he said if I didn’t give him a dime by...

(1) I think that all Americans want their sons to be doctors. (2) Yes, but not dead doctors! –I did it! I found a school that will take him! –Where? Miami? –Farther south. 1) Are there any questions? 2) Yeah. 1) Marx? 2) Uh, are we doctors? 1) That’s a good question, Marx. Any other questions?...

(garbled moaning)I’VE DONE SO MANY BAD THINGS…(moaning). Forgive me, Father. Place that bet, I’m a cop!!! Show me how you suck a guy’s cock. Show me how you suck a guy’s cock. You ever suck a guys cock???, Cmon you little Fuck, You, you turn around, show me your ass. You place that bet I’ll give...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â These are excuse notes that school secretaries have actually received. Some of these were in an article in the Detroit...

–I believe a man is as big as what he’s seeking. I believe you’re a big man, Mr. Macreedy. –Flattery will get you nowhere. –I want to go to a place called Adobe Flat. Are there any cabs available? –Adobe Flat? –Yeah. –No cabs. –Real cool guy. –Doesn’t push easy, huh? –Well, that’s it. That’s just...