Innocent English

1)Hows Your Dog Nelson. 2)Shut up! 1)I wish I had an uncle like that. to feed me, put me up for the night, and then plant one of them Greasy Hickeys on my neck 1. is he hung up. 2. no, hes riding for lane now. 1.is my dick still there. 2.its hangin’ by a thread. 3.no, you dont wanna see it. 1.you...

(lotto) i spit a racial sleer hawnky sew me this shit is a horror fliick but the black guy dont die in this movie look at the lotto dawg u gotta b kidding that makes me believe you dont have an interest in living think this niggers gonna film the shit u say i got a better chance joinin the KKK on...

#1Where is Charlie? #2 Who are you? #1 I asked you a question. Where the fuck is Charlie?! #2 And I asked you a question..Who the fuck are you?! ‘Sleight of Bag’ by Charlie Pritchett. –Hey, Steve. Get a grip! Go to sleep. –Or what? You’ll have my head? –I’m just making conversation. –Good, make it...

…and that’s a technically foul!! Whitey: Eleanore, this is my new partner, Davey Stone. Eleanore: The criminal?! Did he force you to take him here so he could molest you?! (After Whitey lost the All-Star Patch) Eleanore: All you people can bite my germ-free booty! All: Huh? Bum bity bity bity bum...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Â Here are some really funny redneck jokes: Ahhh, the haiku. Few poetic styles evoke such stirrings of the soul. Someone...

Accept me as I am. Only then can we discover each other. Enough of symbolism and these escapist themes of purity and innocence. Happiness consists of being able to tell the truth without hurting anyone. I have nothing to say, but I want to say it. I though my ideas were so clear. It’s better to...

Even thieves need to get lucky every now and then. Everybody else wants you dead. Got to run. Places to go. People to kill. I supposed you saved my life. I sure hope you got big pockets. We’re about to be twenty million dollars richer. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘7 Seconds’: Quotes from the...

(1)I’ve been killed twice in two hours. (2)We’ve all been killed before. (Gibson shoots enemy’s leg off) Enemy: You’re gonna pay for that! Those were new boots! –You read my mind? –Just the highlights. 1/_ If you really beleive that, then you should clone yourself right now 2/_ Why is that, so I’ll...

(after teammate hits a homerun) What happened? I was in the john. (roger) see bob it looks like some one likes my eggs. ( Mivkey) No there shit, but I’ve been in a slump lately. 1) are we fueding? 2) yeah, I guess so. its on TV. 1) well, fuck you then. 2) up yours. come on mick have a drink, have a...

1) I’m not gay. 2) Neither am I, I just want to suck your dick Dance, Dance, Dance. everynight i think i about staying home,but then i give myself a kick in the ass and come to my senses Hey, I said, not with that shirt. I never pay for my drugs… And I don’t take medicare… It was the late 70’s...

Don’t touch me! Hi, Alan. This is the first and last ten seconds of the rest of your life. She’s not bad. I wouldn’t mind hurting her a little. So long, sport. The best thing about Cini is that she not only lives her part, she dies it too. Well, sir, like a lot of people who make a lot of money,...

(Looking At Dead Chemist’s Body) 1) Well You Said To Take Care Of Him 2) Ach I Meant Take Care Of Him Not Take Care Of Him –I want McElroy kept alive. –I don’t do alive. I do dead. 1) If i wanted quisine I’d gave gone to paris. 2) You still can mate, France isnt too far away, it’s full of pricks...

L: Do we have sex? H: No, we don’t. Just so everybody knows that. We want to. Just kidding. (hawaiin guy speaks in hawaiin and then says) which in english mean. look at those 2 shitheads! ~by hollyanne -Daddy, what’s a nympho? -The state bird of Ohio. 1. Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups! 2. Hey, Mr....

#1 What the hell is this? #2 Tax refund. #1 Bullshit, your too fucking stupid to have a job! (1)Jack, tell me a story. (2)Fuck You! (1)Oh that’s one of my favorites. (1)So, how was it? (2)I’m not goin’ in for all that macho shit, Jack. I was great. Should have my dick bronzed. (A)Class isn’t...

–It seem that little Loraine’s hit the bottle again. –Yeah, the peroxide bottle. Go out there and be so swell you’ll make me hate you. I’ll either have a live leading lady or a dead chorus girl. Jones and Berry are doing a show. Not Anytime Annie! Say, who could forget her? She only said ‘no’ once...

b “Houston, we have one.” “You look like a man-o-lantern.” (Kid)Do you have any extra large condoms? (Dad)Ohh,shut up Scottie you have a tiny penis. (Kid)I’d tap that (Dad)Oh. you’d tap that you think your cool with your jew fro (Looking at her thong) There’s something wrong with her underpants…....

*fake moaning* What the fuck was that? 1)today at the coffee house they were officaily sponsoring hot women wereing no bras 2)hot women? 1)i mean hot hot women A flower!? Was it a vibrating flower? A: Hey Bagel Guy B: You know my name And my last boyfriend actually thought he was…a bus. Do you know...

–A professional gambler? –Not professional enough, apparently. –Anybody else just wondering? –Nope. Not me, boss. A gambler’s not a very good insurance risk. As far as anyone knows, he’s still alive and ready to talk. Captain, help me out? I’m dealing with two mental midgets. Fine Southern...

–I’d like to come home with you. –It’s your funeral. He can look like a hundred people, but one thing his cannot disguise…this: half of his little finger is missing. So if ever you should meet a man with no top joint there, be very careful about that. How far is Winnipeg from Montreal? It’s not...

–Are you gonna kill me? –Not until after you open the safe….I’m just kidding. Open the safe. –Finish you fries. –You can’t tell me what to do. You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my dad. –Didn’t anybody ever tell you about starving kids in Africa? –Why? Are you gonna send them my fries? –I’ve...