Innocent English

(1)Why did you save my ass with the cheif? (2)You remind me of a puppy I had once that pissed all over the carpet but I kept him anyway. (Talking to self in mirror) Ya wanna get married?….C’mon lets get married…No?….C’mon……No?…..OK, Fine Hard to believe. Watch. I am having a bad day Man I am...

Lo there do I see my father. Lo there do I see my mother, my sisters, and my brothers. Lo there do I see the line of my people, back to the beginning. Lo they do call me. They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla. Where the brave, may live forever (1 You could have killed him at...

#1 Who’s your daddy? #2 Wayne Rink! (1) But, I’m 13! (2) Jenna, if you’re going to start lying about your age I’d go with 27. -Whats wrong pookie? -Pookie? Pa-yookie! You’re married and to a girl I work with! -That didnt stop us from rattling a few desk drawers last week! 1)Becky, can I ask you a...

(Authur)Your going to get up and help me find my son! (denis) Ok… Breathe! (Denis)Whoa! wait. What are you doing, what did I just say! Did I say there was a petting zoo down stairs. Noooooooo! there are ghosts downstairs authur. 1 Hey you got somethin to say, just say it! 2 Alright lets start with...

–Luck is a lazy man’s excuse. –Ah, spoken like a man who’s had nothing but good luck. Fortune smiles at some and laughs at others. I believe that there is such a thing as luck. I just hope I’m lucky enough to notice it when it comes my way. My eyes have been opened, I can never go back. Oh i forgot...

– I beg pardon… – What are you so polite about??!! – For the same reason you’re not…..I was brought up that way – I beg pardon…. – awwww what are you being so polite about??? – for the same reason you’re not…… I was brought up that way ….And another chap flaps his God-damned wings!!! …lets throw it...

1.(thinking) Wolf will win the jackpot and Virginia will love him even more! But if Wolf wins, then Virginia gets the mirror, then Virginia goes home!(out loud)Oh, cripes! 2. 160, bad luck, sir. 1.(delighted) Thank you, tickey poo, another!(lays another coin on the table) (climbs up rock) 1. Oh,...

what kind of twisted upbringing did you people have? it’s either lay a golden egg or count the hairs on a goblins ass! ‘Put your finger in my mouth, turn around till you face south, touch a thing that you would prize, and you will not believe your eyes.’ *singing* Buddy you’re a young lamb look at...

And I don’t represent animals in court! CRUELLA Is Alonzo keeping up? LE PELT Your little man is too slow CRUELLA This traffic is too slow the french are useless behind the wheel cruella: i remember you as a puppy dog: bark’s(then growles) cruella: why don’t i come back later i feel a little chilly...

(Name), (name), if she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will . . . 1) I don’t like it, Jasper. I don’t like it. 2) Ah Shut up! 3) What!?! 2)Oh no, not you miss. Horace here. 3) Why you imbisile! 1. *******, isn’t that a new fur coat? 2. Oh, my only true love, darling. I live for furs. I worship...

‘Find those puppies! NOW!’ ‘The humans have tried everything. Now it’s up to us dogs.’ 1;Congratulations. You’ve just won gold, silver and bronze in the moron olympics. 2;Who won the gold? Did you hear that? What? That noise. What noise? That noise I just heard. Do you hear it? Oh yeah. Sounded...

Without you, I’m as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even through I don’t know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together. I swear, I’ll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel...

–Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. –The one with Newman and McQueen? –Newman and Redford. –You smoke? –Not anymore. If you were smart, you’d quit, too. –I know. It’s a filthy habit. Hazardous to your health, offensive to everyone around you. And do I have to remind you about evidence obtained...

Sweet love, renew thy force. Don’t say shit like that to me. People can hear you. (1)Joey Never told you that we went out did he… (2) yeah OK (1) In 9th for a month… Bianca: Have you EVER considered a new look? You could ahve some definite potential buried under all this hostility. Kat: I’m not...

13 1)You know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to invite some company over to soak up the strain. Some happy, conversational, intellectually stimulating, pleasant company. 2) The Malibu chapter of the sugar plum fairies ? 1) Since you don’t qualify in any of those categories you will understand why I...

–I found out what the meaning of life is. –What’s that? –It sucks. Being honest has very little to do with being a lawyer Gentlemen, do you realize you’re in a court of law? He raped this girl right here…he’d like to do it again…he told me so! He’s the reason I’m a lawyer. I have just finished my...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Silly, weird and strange country songs I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win I’ve Been Flushed...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. These popular redneck pickup lines were obtained by InnocentEnglish- the first site to acquire them- by sending out...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Here are some funny celebrity quotes When I was growing up, there were two things that were unpopular in my house. One...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. No false advertising here. These are dumb jokes. You’ve been warned. Why was the archeologist depressed? Because his...