Innocent English

(almost falls) Oops! Not as spry as I was when I was 80, eh? 1. *********! *********! Listen. 2. Oh, shucks, ********. That ain’t nothing byt a little old cricket bug. 1. It’s squeaky shoes approachin’. 2. Oh, cricket bugs don’t wear shoes. 1. Hush your mouth. Let’s see. They’re oxford shoes. Size...

–There’s an ant crawling up your cheek. –I’d rather have a kiss….That’s an awful small kiss. –It was a small ant. –I wish it had been an elephant. Arise, my love, my fair one, come away. Augusta, I always said you were the best. He never heard that volley. Lead travels faster than sound. I might...

” ahhhhhh my fucking cock AHHHHHHHH I need you Devan NOW NOW, come little one I need your help ” ” Blow out my asshole you stupid dick fucker ” ” Devan Hesterly come here and show Michael how beautiful the world really is ” ” DEVAN LET GO OF BAILEY NOW ” ” Devan, I am your father… You came out of...

(John Goodman) I collect beer bottles myself, I gotta ’82 miller bottle with a misprint on the label; the husband might wanna come take a gander. 1. It`s dead, shit! 2. What could`ve killed it? 3. The shock of seeing Lloyd? -CEN- 1: There ain’t no spiders here. 2: Look! There’s a giant spider web...

Do you know what my title is? Assistant Secretary to the Assistant to the Undersecretary of State. It’s taken me ten years to get this far. I ask you. I know a place. I’m going to rock the boat. I’m gonna ring the bell tonight. It must be good. That’s what make Paris Paree. The place you hold in my...

*Should we tell them? **Is there anything we can do about it? *NO. **Then they don’t need to know. *We’ve already got someone over there. **Your have to move fast. You don’t have much time. *How much time are we talking about. Houston, give me an idea. *Less than 15 minutes. **Oh, shit! – I’m not...

(Talking really fast in helicopter) Holy shit, shes a gook assassin, lemme nail that bitch, shit, I’m hit, I’m hit, I’m OK, Maday, maday, I’m going in –Do you know why you can never step into the same river twice? –Yeah, ’cause it’s always moving. –This is evil – evil, Captain. We’re all going to...

–I’m all out of liquor, and there’s no clean glasses, no cheese crackers, no nothing. –Let me worry about that. Just leave the key under the mat and clear out. –The mirror…it’s broken. –Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel. I like it that way. It makes me look the way I...

1) Are those initials on your boxers? 2) Yeah, my mom’s an initial freak 1) By the way, Ted is not a homosexual 2) I never said he was, just because I said he was light in the loafers does not mean I said he was gay 1) Oh yes you did! 2) Oh no I didn’t! 1) Oh yes, you did!!! 2) Fine, you want to go...

Clyde, scrap the Cadillac Come back with my Oreos you hairy ass LYNNE:What happenned? PHILO:Well,I seem to have the only primate in the country that’s a dope addict. Philo! right turn Clyde sometimes clyde i don’t think your’re to tightly wrapped. Why me Lord? … I mean, you made other men out of...

(Shark)Coach your gonna have a stroke!, (Jim Brown)I don’t get strokes motha’ fucka’, I give em’! – It’s a beautiful thing to watch you throw kid… – Thanks Not-so-Old man A second too early or too late and you miss the catch. Life’s all about inches. They’re all around us. Any man’s finest hour –...

1)did I mention heights make me nacious? 2)NOO!!! 1. Don’t you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic bug in the joint. 2. You know, I was going to let you become a part of my most erotic fantasies, but now you can just write it off. 1. Don’t you want your aphid beer? 2. Call me...

Antwone: Fuck you Jason. Jason: What did you say? Antwone: You heard me. Jason: Fuck me. With all these beautiful women here. You want to fuck me!? Antwone: Guess Who?? Cheryl: Antwone? Antwone: No, it’s Philip Walker the late night stalker Cheryl: I’m hungry, you?Antwone: I could eat. Denzel:...

–Doesn’t Bill Gates have something like that? –Bill who? …and in the real world, you’re fucked Are you still proud of me now? Bill who? Consumers dont care where new ideas come from, just as long as theyre offered at competative prices. Doesnt Bill Gates have one of those things? Gary Winston once...

-Your cover is you’re renting the judge’s house for a month of vacation. -As what? Friends or lovers? 1. Allright, I’ll marry you! 2. (punches #1) Life’s too short. Call 911! Cover me! I’m taking a bath. Giiiinnnn…tonic! Gina: So when are we inviting them over for drinks? Chris Lecce: Uh, Bill....

(1)Christ, you really toasted that guy, Jack. (2)Ah, goddammit, I didn’t TOAST the guy! I just SHOT him! For Chrissakes, don’t say I TOASTED him, Ben! (1)How much of my money did you spend? (2)Oh, about 25 grand. You said I could buy a new car. (1)So where is it? (2)This is the new car! (1)This...

Ge the epidural. None of this natural child birth. It’s not natural. Get the epidural. None of this natural birth. It’s not natural. I can’t find my husband or my beeper. Have you seen either of them? I’ve got gravi tas` up the wazoo! IT’S A NOVEL!!!! Sally, you’re a medical miracle. The only...

(actor)When I die I want to be torn apart by wild animals. (Alvy)Yeah, probably eaten by some squirrels. (Alvy)I wonder what she looks like naked? (Alvy)Jesus, I’m standing here with the cast of The Godfather. (Alvy)Let me ask you something. Is this a sandwich? (Alvy)Max, are we driving through...

1 (sneezes). Been to the zoo, Miss Farrell? 2. Not recently, Drake. 1) Are you allergic to dogs? 2) No, filth 1) I’m sure little Miss Sticky Fingers can loan you some money 2) I beg your pardon, I’m sure 1)And we’re not having hot mush today… 2) Yay! 1) We’re having cold mush. 1)Hey mister that’s...

But Elizabeth was yours. Watch her as she grows. She’s yours. She’s a Tudor. Get yourself a son off that sweet pale girl if you can. And hope that it will live. But Elizabeth shall reign after you. Yes, Elizabeth! Child of Anne the whore and Henry the bloodstained letcher shall be queen. Elizabeth...