Innocent English

1 – And on Sunday? What happens in America on Sunday? 2 – In America, everybody catches cold on Sunday. 1 – Oh, Jerry. It’s so dreadful standing next to you like this, and not having your arms around me. 2 – You’ll always be standing next to me, Lise. 1 – Maybe not always. Paris has ways of making...

We are not enemies, but friends, We must not be enemies Though passion may have strained,we must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell, when again touched As surely they will be by the Better Angels of our Nature, (Guy’s smoking weed) Whats this shit? Weed? Thats...

1) You’re a regular J.D., aren’t you? 2) Ah, file that under C.S. 1)C.S.? What’s that? 2) Chicken Shit. Bout what that is. 1) I was hoping I might see some friends here. 2) Probably a couple of weeks past their bedtime. 1. excuse me sir i think we had an accident. 2. this time i wont report u but...

Action talks, bullshit walks! All I’m saying is don’t confuse business with pleasure. Fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie! Help myself! Help myself? I should help myself to half a piece of toast it’s four slices for a quarter? I should have a nickel every...

”’we da shaboinkin people”’ is Eddie Murphy 1983. And he probaby stole the from someone before him. how funny HO! Ho! HO! Hey man, Who you callin’ a hoe? I mean how hard is it to boil rice? At least with an indian girl you know she can cook. I need a little rubber. Does N-E body have a little...

ANGELA: CUNT!I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once… and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a...

1) Have you ever seen a flying saucer? 2) Is that your way of offering me a drink? Cheers! Come on, Mac. I don’t need a refresher course. Fine, now it’s ‘The Guns of Navarone.’ I didn’t know you liked Perry Como. Looks are sometimes deceiving. Sure it’s cold. It’s got ice in it. We have a long wait...

Ahh good old H2O. Ain’t no fuckin’ Thelma here! The damn bitch don’t live here! Well fuck you, too! But I was asked to say a couple of words about Harvey. How about ‘ugly’ and ‘cheap’. Did you know that every three minutes in this country a black man is born without soul? Griffin, Good God Man…that...

Opera Madame- I’ve decided that everything I’m wearing today is Turkish! (After hearing Eine Kleine Nachtmusik played on the piano) -Why, that’s charming! I didn’t know you wrote that. -I didn’t. That was Mozart. -Emeram. -No! No more. -No wait just one more. Please. Emeram. -Emeram. Marry me. -Sah...

1) What do you need? 2) Glider practice. 1. ‘well i’ll tell ya something missy, you sure are pretty when you’re angry…waha’. 2. oh so you do impressions. 1. Just that one. 2. So who was it? 1&3. Who was it? 2. James Stewart? 3. Who do you think it was Henry Fonda? 2. Henry Fonda? 1. John Wayne. 2....

– ARE YOU THAT GUY FROM CROCIDILE TEARS? -…..YOUR DAMN RIGHT I AM. -I THOUGHT SO 1) I just sharted. 2) what the hell does that mean? 1) it means i tried to let out a fart and a lil shit came out, c’mon man we gotta go 1) we have to leave right now 2)can’t we stay just a few more minutes? 1)no..i...

–You wouldn’t kill another partner. –You’re not my partner. 1) You wouldn’t kill another partner. 2) You’re not my partner. A MAD MAN HAS OUR DAUGHTER!!!! HE DIDN’T CONTACT YOU SO WHAT IS ON YOUR AGENDA!!! Cool beans. Gary Sonjei: Cool beans I am living proof, that a mind is a terrible thing. I...

I name this here fork Pittsburg Nelly. After the Welsh whore, who could do things with her one good arm, that would make you forget that thing on her neck. -Chris Farley, Almost Heroes #1 Good God, man, I’m not talking about getting blind skinking drunk, just a taste. #2 Well then, a taste it shall...

Penny: do you wanna go to morrocco with me? William: yeah yeah..ask me again we both wanted to be with her, but i guess she wanted us to be together.. don’t you have any normal friends? famous people are just more intresting (1) Feck you! (2) Hey! (sigh) Well, there it is, your sister used the ‘f’...

1: eh mouse, wake up and take a look at this, not bad for a white boy eh. 2: You look horrible no wonder you keep getting beat on defence. 1: Hey who’s wearing the letter pal? 6-2, stack monster…6-2, stack monster…READY, BREAK!!! All I have to do is maintain my fantastic 2.0 grade-point average and...

1) Can you shoot it? 2) Yeah I can shoot it. 1) Can you hit anything? 2) Anything you want. (1 takes out wallet and throws it in the air. 2 shoots it down.) 3) Hot damn. Let me see it. (1 puts his wallet away) 3) Let me see it. 1) You know what it looks like it’s my wallet. 1) You’re a regular ‘ol...

A Perfect Day. A-and a-ny-seat-you-grab-will-be-first-class! Anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. C’mon, don’t bullshit a bullshitter! Everything Old Is New Again. He always worked in those cheap burlesque clubs, always surrounded by stark naked...

Backinbowl. Backinbowl Backinbowl. Backinbowl. Feel my heart. I am at peace. How DARE you say PENIS to a DEAD PERSON! How dare you say penis to a dead person!? I can’t believe this. I can’t even die right. I can’t even die right. I have a lot of friends who are crazier than you. But not many...

1)Boss they have monsters! 2)Monsters? 3)Yeah Monsters, I say Monsters! 1)Charlie? 2)WHAT?!! 1)I have to go to the bathroom. 1)This is green a pipe, we’re in buisness.2)I don’t know this looks like a water main. 1)No this red, water mains are green.2)But you said it was green.1)Exactly. All dogs go...

(looking at gun in tank with fish and eels) 1) reach your hand in and get it 2) no man thats like teling me to stick my tounge in oprah winfrey’s ass –Shoot out the back tire! –Who do you think I am, Mel Gibson? 1-Who you two lil spice girls think your talking to. FUCK!!!….Fuck the manager, I’m the...