Innocent English

–Why, you speak treason. –Fluently. Any objections to the new tax from our Saxon friends? By my faith, but you’re a bold rascal. Hanging would be a small price to pay for the company of such a charming lady. I’ll have him dangling in a week. I’m afraid of nothing, least of all you. It’s Richard,...

ADAM: I was only having fun. TICK: Fun? What else do you do for amusement? Slam your fingers in car doors? What’s the point? ADAM: No! Wait! Oh shit. Oh for goodness sake look at yourself Mitzi. How many times have I told you? Green is not your color! Bernadette. Don’t worry about it dolls. I’m as...

(1): You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. (2): You’re the only friend I ever had. 1) I thought you said your name was Sarah. 2) I did! Sarah-Mary Williams. Somes calls me Sarah, somes calls me Mary. All you think about is yourself, Jim. Well what about me? Hey Huck… I think that wolf is growlin’...

(1)We’re from Wisconsin. (2)Yeah, and I’m from my dad’s penis. Get outta here. (1)Write down my number, it’s 555-6321, got it? (2) Yeah. Wait a minute, 5-5-5’s not a real number, they only use that in the movies. (1)No shit, honey. What do you think this is, real life? (name), we just needed to be...

I am a red stupid faggot Thank you. I always fancied myself a singer. I was almost in a bus and truck show of West Side Story. They said I wasn’t right for Maria. What do they know? I feel pretty. This velvet painting of Elvis. I didn’t really want it. But (BING) it’s mine! Yes I know that, Bug!...

(Display Console) Sined … Seeled … Delivered! B: Let her out … and give her your coat. P: Why me? B: Because you’re perfect. (pause)P: You’ve got a point. Bigbooty, more power to him. Bigbootay! Curse you, Big Bootie! Declaration of war: the short form … General: I’m barely holding my fudge right...

Dont come the raw prawn with me, luv. I’m as dry as a dead dingoes donga. if it was raining virgins i’d get washed down the gutter with a poofter Kiss my bum if she doesn’t bang like a dunny door in a gale May all your chooks turn to emus, kick your dunny door flat to the grass, hope your balls...

Baron Munchausen: I’m Baron Munchausen! Berthold: That sounds nasty. Is it contagious? Baron Munchausen: Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I’m delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever. Berthold: Is there a doctor in the fish? Horatio Jackson: Escaping! We can’t start...

1)Don’t fuck with the Lords Of Hell!!! 2)Don’t fuck with the Babysitter!!!!! I wonder if your parents will ever ask me to babysit again? I don’t know but if they do I would ask for a buck more an hour. 1) You slip me the cash and I’ll slip you the wiener 2) I don’t have the cash 1) Well then I...

#1 what’s your name? #2 mike. #1 what’s your name mike? #2 sam. 1.wots ur name? 2.mike 1.wots ur name mike? 2.sam 1.well sam, i’m maggie 1: What’s your name? 2: Mike. 1: What’s your name Mike? 2: Sam. 1: Nice to meet ya Sam, I’m Maggie. Antoine: (while calling 911) Hello? Please, I need to be...

(1)Aren’t they dead? (2)Does it matter (1)Children, what are you doing? (2)I’m going to electrocute him. (1)But we’re late for the charity auction. (2)But, Mother… (1)I said no. (3)Pleeaaaase? (1)Oh, all right. (1)Children, what are you doing? (2)I’m going to electrocute him. (1)But we’re late for...

#1: The little mermaid #2: Lassie come home #1: Bambi Wednesday: Stop it! Joe(refering to Pugsley): He’s only a child! (1)… and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!...

1) My uncle is about to get married…to a lady in a white uniform. 2) A radiologist. 1) No. A nanny. 1-I’ll be the vitim 2-All your life 1Wednesday is at that time when she has only one thing on her mind. 2Oh, boys? 3HOMICIDE. 1Why are you dressed like somebody DIED? 2WAIT. Amanda: I’ll be the...

-I’m pitching my script today. -Please don’t say pitch. donald: i loved sarah,charles. it was mine, that love. i owned it. sarah didn’t have the right to take it away. i can love whoever i want. charlie: but…she thought you were pathetic. donald: that was her business, not mine. you are what you...

Dellaplane,one of these day’s you’re really gonna piss me off!!!!! Faraway Eyes. For the love of money. Gotta catch a cab! He turned me out. Hot! Hotter! Hottest! How do you like your ribs done? How do you like your ribs? I guess this wasn’t such a good idea after all I warned you about the...

–You make me sick, and if you stay here one minute longer I’ll prove it to you. –Are you getting sick? –How do girls usually act when you kiss them? All the time you like trouble. Are you a G-man or something? I am surprised but that is the way with you, you are always furnishing surprises. I hope...

(laughing) Chief says you make him laugh! You are like sissy girl! 3 darts is tooo much! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllrighty then ace: theres…someone on the wing, some……THING. im sorry, what were you saying? ace: well if you were me, then i’d be you, and i’d use your body to get to the top. you...

If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer! So you found a pebble in snowflake’s tank. Excuse me while I go call CNN. **BLEEP** Captain Flog Stargate 23.9 rounded of to THE nearest decimal point. WE’VE Traveled back in time to save an ancient species from TOTAL annhialtion. SO FAR there is...

# Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone! # Is it number one or number two?….. I just want to know how much time I have….. (1)…when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone. (2)Is it number 1 or number 2? (1)Ace! (2)Yeah, Dan? (1)You have any more of that gum? (2)That’s...

(slaps the consolute in the butt with the whip) Funny, it didn’t seem so painful when you were doing it to the horse. **** ( looks around the room full of dead animal heads gasping for breath) jerk: somesing wong mister vantura? (goes back to normal) V: no of course not this is quite a lovely room...