Innocent English

Woody Allen has over 40 years of great quotes, jokes and one liners, so there can be no definitive list of the top 50 Woody Allen quotes. But this is a pretty good attempt at rounding up 50 of the best and funniest Woody Allen quotes, jokes and lines from his movies and books. You can live to be a...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Here are some funny courtroom mistakes based on actual transcripts Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage...

Just in case you find yourself lost in the strange and exotic world of office conversations, InnocentEnglish presents the top 50 business slang terms for 2007. If you read them out loud at work, you might notice some prairie dogging happening in the cube farm. 404 – Someone who is clueless. From...

Funny and Strange things about the English language, English grammar, spelling, pronunciation and word usage. ( Much thanks to Nick from RogerReference.com for informing us that this wonderful composition was written by Richard Lederer. Apologies for the late attribution ). There was a row among...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. The Best, Funny, not so Inspirational Sayings of Jack Handey (or Jack Handy) I always thought Jack Handy was a fictional...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. (Or is it shame?) Classic Funny Signs From Around the World (These are the best of those oldies but goodies that have...

Here is a collection of some of the best quotes and quotations. Funny, clever, witty, smart and wise. Â Â “If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” —Doug Larson “A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely.”...

Here are more funny, cute, clever and witty bumper stickers and one liners: Honk If Anything Falls Off. Cover Me, I’m Changing Lanes. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person. You! Out Of The Gene Pool – Now! I Do Whatever My R ice Krispies Tell Me To. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! If...

“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in back...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. Humorous, silly, stupid and weird classified ads from newspapers and magazines Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress,...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. A friend sent me this list of favorite one liners that someone had sent her. There are some great sayings, quotes and one...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?  PARIS HILTON: Huh? ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken...

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to InnocentEnglish.com’s Last Words Awards, where we present awards for the Best Last Words of dying famous people. Unfortunately, none of our nominees were able to make it here tonight to receive their award in person, but rest assured they are here in spirit.  So,...

It’s not always easy being a guy in this cold, cruel world. But just in case you are getting close to the end of your rope from burning the midnight oil at both ends, burning rubber in the hour glass of your life, here is a little pick me up. Here are the top 50 reasons it’s great to be a guy....

Prepare carefully_. Self-confidence is a valuable possession, but beware of being too sure of yourself. Pride goes before a fall, and overconfidence in his ability to improvise has been the downfall of many a would-be speaker. The speaker should strive to give the effect of spontaneity, but this...

Before making any specific suggestions to the prospective toaster or toastmaster, let us advise that he consider well the nature and spirit of the occasion which calls for speeches. The toast, after-dinner talk, or address is always given under conditions that require abounding good humor, and the...

Of the test for a sense of humor, it has already been said that it is the ability to see a joke. And, as for a joke, the dictionary, again a present help in time of trouble, tells us at once that it is, “something said or done for the purpose of exciting a laugh.” But stay! Suppose it does not...

ON THE POSSESSION OF A SENSE OF HUMOR: More about how to give a good toast. “Man,” says Hazlitt, “is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.” The sources, then, of laughter and tears come...

TOASTER’S HANDBOOK JOKES, STORIES, AND QUOTATIONS Compiled by PEGGY EDMUND and HAROLD WORKMAN WILLIAMS Introductions by MARY KATHARINE REELY 1916 PREFACE: How to Toast: Tips and Tricks for Good Toasts Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast on some...

Every day InnocentEnglish.com posts a new funny or cool Quick Break. The Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones so you can browse through any you missed. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. I once had a large gay following, but I...