Innocent English

The little boy was greatly elated when informed by his mother that the liveliness of her hair as she combed it was caused by electricity. “Oh, my!” he exclaimed. “Ain’t we a wonderful family! Mama has electricity on her head, and grandma has gas on her stomach.” * * * Pride often has no better...

The noted story-teller at a dinner party related an anecdote, and was at first gratified by the hearty laughter of an old lady among the guests, and later a little suspicious, as her mirth continued. As he stared at her, puzzled, she spoke in explanation: “Oh, that story is such a favorite of mine:...

Many a man who has suffered from tongue-lashings at home will be moved to profound sympathy for the victim described as follows in a local news item of a country paper: “Alice Jardine, a married woman, was charged with unlawfully wounding her husband, Charles Jardine, a laborer, by striking him...

Oldest Inhabitant: “I never expected to live till the end of the War, Ma’am; but now I’m hoping to be spared to see the beginning of the next one.” * * * “That’s Betty Grant’s new maid.” “She’s much smarter than her mistress.” “Well, they can’t both afford to dress like that.” * * * Father: “Don’t...

Wife: “I’m afraid you’ll think me rather extravagant, dear, but I spent ten dollars to-day on a boat, and a train, and a fire-engine, and a box of soldiers, and some nine pins for Freddie’s birthday. By the way, what are you going to buy him?” * * * “Mamma!” “What is it, dear?” “It seems to me that...

“What a lot of suffering these ambulance surgeons must witness.” “Yes, indeed! Almost every time they go out they run over some one.” * * * “He’s a nice little horse (I saw him myself) and the dealer says I may have him for a song. Would you advise me to buy him?” “That depends upon your eye for a...

Waitress: “He ain’t no good, Lil-he’s one of these fellers wot chooses the price first an’ then runs his fingers along the bill o’ fare to see wot he gets for it.” * * * Penelope: “What made George and Alice break their engagement?” Clarissa: “He complained that she was too ‘Effeminate’ for the...

Lawyer: “When I was a boy my highest ambition was to be a pirate.” Client: “You’re in luck. It isn’t every man who can realise the dreams of his youth.” * * * Elder sister: “Oh, you fancy yourself very wise, I dare say; but I could give you a wrinkle or two.” Younger sister: “No doubt-and never...

The Senator was back home, looking after his political fences, and asked the minister about some of his old acquaintances. “How is old Mr. Jones?” he inquired. “Will I be likely to see him to-day?” “You’ll never see Mr. Jones again,” said the minister. “He has gone to heaven.” * * * “I know I’m...

“Bobby,” said the lady in the tramcar, severely, “why don’t you get up and give your seat to your [Pg 339] father? Doesn’t it pain you to see him reaching for the strap?” “Not in a car,” said Bobby. “It does at home.” * * * They had had their usual altercation over the breakfast table, and hubby...

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had been invited to a friend’s for tea, and the time had arrived for preparing for the visit. “Come along, dearie,” said Mr. Smith to her three-year-old son, “and have your face washed.” “Don’t want to be washed,” came the reply. “But,” said mother, “you don’t want to be a dirty...

 There are many cool and fashionable phones out there. But one revolutionary phone stands out from all the rest: the iPhone. So far, the iPhone has been out for about five months and there have been many rumors about the iPhone. This iPhone review will give the whole truth about the iPhone and...

 The Wave Street Surfboard is just like a snowboard, and a surfboard, and a skateboard combined. Its cool design makes it stand out from anything else you could ever see on a street.  To ride the Wave, you simply get on it with a little push like a scooter. Then you swing your hips and this...

The iPod Touch is a revolutionary iPod. Based on the iPhone, this iPod is the coolest iPod out there. The iPod Touch is definitely worth your money! Â What makes the iPod Touch worth your money are the really cool features. One cool feature that the iPod Touch has is the multi-touch screen. Just...

 There are many games for the PSP. But one of the most unique and great games is Loco Roco. In this game, you’re a little yellow ball- like- thing and you try to go through levels of craziness to help save your world of peace. In every level, there are these plants that contain someone that...

 Mario Party 8 is a really cool game and is a very good continuation of the classic series of the Mario Parties. With the totally silly and random mini-games, this board game based game is definitely worth your money.  During the actual game, you roll dice and move along the creative game board....

 A little while ago, a movie called Transformers came out. Most people liked it and were entertained. Then came the Transformers game. Based off of the movie Transformers, this game proved to be pretty good.  In this game, you play as robots and your goal is to destroy the Allspark. To do this,...

 There are many games for the Wii that are made up of small, short games; or mini-games if you want to call them that. Among those types of games for the Wii, there is the game called “Wii Play.” This game even comes with a Wii controller!  Wii Play is made up of many games such as...

 Lego Star Wars 2 is a game that is based off the famous Star Wars movies. You play as famous characters such as Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, and Han Solo. Except there is one thing: everything is made out of legos! Every single object and person in the game is made out of legos which is partly...

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