Innocent English

  Here are some of Rita Rudner’s Jokes and Sayings:   Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. I was a vegetarian until I started...

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book . China is slowly becoming a flea market economy. The second Word War had much propaganda I am so tired of police violins! At that time, one of the most important weapons was...

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book . Bloopers and mistatements from ESL students about their mothers and fathers. (Don’t say these things about your Momma!) My mother is an inferior decorator. My father is a...

From the cover of a notebook used by one of my Korean students: My heart is very flammable when I see your beautiful eyes. On the box for a toothbrush at a Tokyo hotel: Gives you strong mouth and refreshing wind! A job ad in the Japan Times expressing that both males and females could apply: No...

Common Conversational English mistakes you don’t want to make! Based on Real English Mistakes from ESL students who were learning Conversational English Everyone learning a new language will make many mistakes. This is a natural, necessary part of the learning process. Mistakes are NOT a bad thing....

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book . According to new English language students 1. Sleepless in the Saddle. 2. Mrs. Congenitality. 3. The Exercisist. 4. The Umpire Strikes Back. 5. Bridget Jones’s Diarrhea. 6....

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book . There was a wrongful death shoot. The death of the victim was fatal. The deafened ant entered the court room. He didn’t want the flea bargain. The judge dressed the members of...

A palindrome is a word or phrase that is the same whether it is read forwards or backwards. A good palindrome also makes sense. A palindrome of several words has always been considered quite a masterpiece, but now computer programs are able to make extremely long palindromes, nonsensical though...

Warning: this is the longest joke in the world. InnocentEnglish.com cannot be held responsible for the part of your precious life you spend reading this joke. Scrolling down implies agreement with this term and condition. Many have said the end was worth the time. Some have cried, wondering how to...

Here are a few excerpts of funny letters to landlords. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. The toilet...

  Here’s more of the funniest jokes ever   Okay, so it’s impossible to objectively choose the funniest jokes ever. Although there was a scientific study on the topic, which produced these jokes as the funniest jokes in the world. The list below was compiled with imput from several comedians,...

These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. Clients were asked for a brief statement describing their particular car accident, and this is what they wrote. 1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. 2. I thought my window was down but...

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book . (Snorkling and Skydiving bloopers and mistakes) I know how to sky dive in the ocean. You have to put big bottles on your back so you can have good breath. You should have big...

June 23, 2008. NOTE: We put this post up last year- a collection of some of the best and most inspired quotes and jokes by George Carlin. The term “comic genius” is thrown around a bit too much, but he definitely earned the title.  That we won’t have more brilliant thoughts coming from him is...

This history of the world has been compiled by Richard Lederer from actual student bloopers and mistakes collected by teachers. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live...

Funny Bush Quotes from 2006. The best and funiest actual George W. Bush quotes, bloopers, mistakes and Bushisms from 2006 Some might see some of these President Bush quotes as stupid, dumb, embarassing or even shameful. but others simply see a man who has such a brilliant genius of a mind, his...

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book . Last night, when I ate dinner I started joking. My friend hit my back very hard until I stopped. I was so lucky he was there! A cold is caused by micro-orgasms in your nose....

  There are the funniest warning sings:   A yellow caution sign by a river in Japan: CAREFULLY FALL INTO THE RIVER! On a multipurpose knife sold in Japan: CAUTION: BLADE EXTREMELY SHARP! KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. From the bottom plate of a lap top: DANGEROUS! DON’T SCREW OFF! Sign at a beach: The...

1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October 2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money? 3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy. 4. I cannot get sick pay....

  An Interview with Madonna which was translated from Budapest’s Blikk Newspaper:   When the Evita production company came to Budapest, Madonna,had an interview with the Budapest newspaper Blikk. The questions were posed in Hungarian, then translated into English for Madonna, whose replies were...