Innocent English

#1 Why Albania? #2 Why not? #1 What have they ever done to us? #2 What have they ever done FOR us? I mean What do YOU know about them? #1 Nothing. . . #2 See? they keep to themselves . . .shifty . . .untrustable (1) Albania, Albania…(2) that rhymes. (1)John Belushi?, Jim Belushi? (2) what about...

We’re all a little bit Irish, aren’t we? Well, at least on Saint Patrick’s Day I mean. The Irish have had a long and varied history, tracking their roots 9000 years back! Can you believe that when the Irish first started to immigrate to America they were faced with hatred, racism, and...

Practically everyone ends up at the bar drinking with friends once in their life. Even if it is for the traditional 21st birthday pub-crawl. Especially for the traditional 21st birthday pub-crawl. This is where the list below would come in handy actually. It will be your first time out drinking...

Happily ever after. What does that even mean? Every fairy tale told seems to end with this phrase, “happily ever after” but I am thinking that the authors are just getting lazy and glazing over the final details. Even if the Cinderella story finished with “and the prince ran away with the...

Harper Sloane: You will take a giant, 12-inch cock up the ass. In bed. I don’t know, somehow it didn’t make mine any funnier. Harper Sloane: You’re obviously mistaking me for someone with potential You know that I’d crawl on my hands and knees across a desert of broken glass before I’d do anything...

the last boy scout WAIT, LET ME TRY TO WORK THIS OUT. IM NOT AN IDIOT WANT TO FIND AN OUTLAW, YOU CALL AN OUTLAW. YOU WANT TO FIND A DUNKIN DONUTS, CALL A COP. WAR IS A CONTINUATION OF POLITICS BY OTHER MEANS. War is upon you, whether you would risk it or not. We don’t need no stinking badges! we...

–American? –Army Air Corps. –Now we have us a bird Colonel. –A bird Colonel outranks a bird brain. Clear? A bird-Colonel outrakes a birdbrain, clear? He can’t break us. And he can’t stop us from trying to escape. He’s a two-bit Mussolini I’m what they call a 90-day wonder. No wonder Italy’s losing...

#1-Speed is important in business, time is money. #2-You said opium was money. #1-Money is money! #2-Then what is time again? #1-The psychological motivational course you took did you find that on the back of a matchbook cover? #2-I don’t understand it. I explained the bridge, everything was...

Wedding bliss on the wedding night, nothing better right? It just gets better the entire honeymoon too! Trust me, I’ve had the experience….several times. Nobody is perfect though, so what if it took me a couple tries to find The One (version 3.5). She treats me right though and I can’t...

Everyone loves a little long pig, right? Nothing like a bit of the old human flesh to set off a meal. I mean, cannibalism is no laughing matter, after all, people die! However Jonathon Swift does have a point, a little bit of cannibalism would save our world’s overpopulation problem. I’d...

With the state of the economy our automotive industry is in the tank. It is kaput, completely toast, but at least it is not the computer industry. If the American automotive industry is Windows then imports must be Macintosh. Expensive but run like a well oiled machine….pardon the pun. And I’m...

There are only three things that are guaranteed on this earth, death, and the Red Sox losing the World Series. Taxes really are supposed to pay for social benefits, parks, schools, roads, but instead, as we all know, it is funneled into military and bloated social programs like Medicare and Social...

Allison: You went inside that house. Principal Dale: There nothing to worry about, it is just an abandoned house. Bill: You gonna go shopping for three hours again today? Leave your cell phone off? You think I don’t know what you’re doing, you think I’m stupid, huh? And yet… you can’t make me a...

–Women in my day were willing to make sacrifices for love, or for some ideal, like the vote or Lucy Stonerism. –That was you day, Mother. It’s like talking about current events at the dentist’s to delay the drill. Sacrifice is dated, mother. You don’t reform a man. He only drags you down. Page...

I’m in the driver’s seat! I’m runnin’ the show! I’m in the driver’s seat! I run the show! I’m the fuckin’ president! lionel! sounds like a train, i’m gonna’ do a non stop on you choo choo. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Groove Tube, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Groove Tube, The’

– Most sixteen/seventeen year old kids, they make a bad choice. Something gets broken, they screw up in class, hurt somebody’s feelings, show up at the prom drunk. They get sent to the Principal office, have their car keys taken away or get grounded. Then there’s kids that make a bad choice,...

A professional always specializes. I robbed stagecoaches. I wasn’t made to do work planned by other heads. You ain’t worth killin’, but if you come at me again I’ll put a window through your head so help me. You have the mentality of a grocery clerk. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Grey Fox, The’:...