Innocent English

And so we flew through the night as if gliding through outer space light years from our solar system.We passed strange galaxies,harbouring unknown lifeforms and landed in Wannsee. Maybe she sees us as tiny specks on the earth’s surface,just like Sigmund Jahns did back then. Somehow my scheme had...

–I had to quit. –Why? –It’s because of this fear of heights I have, this acrophobia. –I remembered Coit Tower. It led me straight to you. –That’s the first time I’ve been grateful for Coit Tower. –One shouldn’t live alone. –Some people prefer it. –She died. –How? –By her own hand. –Who’s the woman...

(Guy bending over with his head between his legs) Female: What are you doing? Male: I’m kissing my ass goodbye. 1)What are you doing? 2)I’m trying to kiss my ass goodbye. Cyril Bench: One hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest? Get some sleep. Major Rasul: It’s the best tea. It’s Indian...

–Are we premitted to award an amount greater than the amount the Plaintiff asked for? –Yes, you are. –Sir! You’re not allowed to be in here…You can’t be in here. –I’m her attorney. –Why wasn’t she getting oxygen? –Well, many reasons, actually. –Tell me one. –She’d aspirated vomitus into her mask....

*He was elegance walking arm in arm with a lie* 1)So naturally, you want me because I’m the resident brit, right? 2)No, I want you because you remember. A real artist creates beautiful things and puts nothing of his own life into them, okay? According to legend, when Kurt was 13 he was discovered...

I thought you was a chicken. Thanksgiving Dinner. Three days from anywhere, A Lone Prospector. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Gold Rush, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Gold Rush, The’

I’m goin’ shoppin’ with you. The words are in my heart. We’re in the money. Well, if I’m going to start fainting in my old age, I may as well have a doctor in the family. Think of all the money I could save on medical bills. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Gold Diggers of 1935’: Quotes from the...

A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors. After all, it wouldn’t be a church without a mortgage. All churches have mortgages. It isn’t respectable for a church not to have one. I’m an atheist. Besides, I’m superstitious. You even throw like an atheist. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from...

–What if we get shot? –What’s the difference? Good, you did a nice job. Tell your boss to give you a raise. I said, how’s about we all go on a stickup? No tinhorn joint like this could ever hold me. We’re gonna need some guns. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Going in Style’: Quotes from the movie...

(after mooning teammates)Good moonin boys, good moonin! I’ve been up since the of dawn and I had to ASS you a question. *puts condoms on counter* Asa Lama Lakem’ clerk: OK. 1) I’ve been up since the crack of dawn, and I had to ask you a question. What is up with Carrie Ann Baker? 2) What, Darcy’s...

Everyone loves a little bit of wordplay. English is an amazingly versatile language and being able to twist it into new and amazing forms while still being technically correct is fantastic talent to have. Why yes, I am a lexophile, which is to say, a lover of words. I’m also an autodidact but...

So there I was, stuck on the elevator again. Why oh why didn’t I take the stars? I mean, sure, it was a 30 story building and I needed the top story (hope I’m not in trouble with the boss) but I’m certain I could have made it in time. 30 flights of stairs would have justified that triple...

Smoke detectors are a must for any mobile home at any trailor park. But they can be a little expensive and beep when the battery needs replaced. Well worth the trouble, of course, but one redneck family is experimenting with a cheaper and easier substitute: Jiffy pop popcorn. “Well hell, we figured...

Emiko, last night Tokyo was destroyed I can hardly believe what has just happend now it seems Tokyo has no defense. Nor man or machine are able to stop this creature. This was Tokyo. You need to use it!If you don’t,what do you think what will become of us!!! Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Godzilla,...

I’m I turning into one of those bad people,am I!? Like crap through a goose! Maybe that’s because inside each of us…there is Godzilla! Ya know, I’ve never seen Godzilla this close before. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Godzilla 2000’: Quotes from the movie ‘Godzilla 2000’

–Can you give me a description on the car?–1970 white Challenger. Big Brother’s not so much watching as listening in. Hey, Kowalski, you out there? Look, no offense, Jake, but I gotta be in Frisco three o’clock tomorrow afternoon. The best way to get away is to root right where you are. The blind...

Don’t ever say soon again. I will never come over and bring you chicken soup and fuck your brains out again. (1) I feel bad, you said to draw a charactature (2) I know, I couldn’t… I saw ya like that (1) It’s very good (2) I’ll sell it to you (2) you monster… how much? (1) one kiss (2) that smile’s...

-what is this your seventh year here? -carry the two, yes seventh 1) All right look, that old bag, is stronger than she looks 2) I’m doing a human interest piece…on you. 3) Oh, I’d love for your…piece to be on me. But sadly I don’t do interviews, I do lunch though.. 1) EAT THE PINEAPPLE EAT THE...