Innocent English

Found a new sport that I like. know what it is? Golf. Know why I like it? Because gold is walking through a park…with a purpose. I guess you might call me a bounty hunter, but I really don’t like that name. I prefer to think of myself as a recovery specialist, people and property. I like trouble. I...

Baby? I don’t want yo stinken baby! Your just a low down no good dirty milk man. The sex wasn’t any good either! YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! Baby? Your just a fat slob! I should have gone with the milk man instead! Tell your mom to get in the kitchen and cook me some chicken! Thats right! YOU BETTER...

I ain’t ya blood, motherfucka — Zeke That’s exactly what the company wants – to keep you on their line. They’ll do anything to keep you on their line. They put the lifers against the new boy, the young against the old, the black against the white. Everything they do is to keep us in our place —...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Dressing Up As Satan A lady’s sick of her husband’s drinking, so she decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and when her husband walks in from being out all night, she jumps out from behind the sofa and screams. He says, “You don’t scare...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Does God Exist? There were two roommates in college, one a believer and one not. One day they were discussing the validity of God. The believer said to the non-believer, give me five good reasons why God does not exist and we will go from there. The...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Does Everyone Know the Story of the Good Samaritan? A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch...

Christmas is all about hope. Kids hope for new toys. You get older, and the toys get bigger, but the hope stays the same. Some people might hope for peace on earth, or maybe for a better tomorrow, whatever their idea of that might be. But most people still just want something bright and shiny and...

‘Please put fifty thousand dollars into this bag and abt natural as I am pointing a gub at you.’ (Virgil)Do you know if it’s raining? (Virgil)Gonna see Miss Liza. Gonna go to Mississippi. (Written on a holdup note.) Stand still and abt naturally. I am pointing a gub at you. A. D. Armstrong wanted...

1: THAT’S Skynet? 2: Yes. 1: Can I ask why we’re heading TOWARD IT? 2: You don’t want to know. Hit it, Lugnuts! John: Hit it, Lugnuts! John: THAT’S SKYNET? T-800: Yes. John: May I ask why we’re heading TOWARD it? T-800: You don’t want to know. John: Who was he? T-800: My college roommate. If...

think I’ll better have it now good idea grease he took my finger I can’t seem to open this fucking jar of pic… Woop, there it goes. Its a fucking pussy lickin’ worthless woman..and a nigro! its just a man on a horse THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY THE BAD MACHINE DOSES KNOW SHE’S A BAD MACHINE the future...

(Gabriel to Stan) She’s Good isn’t she!!? –Big Stan. Nice suit. –Thanks. –They say it’s the suit that makes the man. –Buy it? –Hope not! –How do I find this guy? –You don’t find hime. He finds you. 1. You’re not too good at this golf thing, are you, Stan? 2. You’re fucking up my chi. 1/_How can you...

(Sung) Hockety Pockety Wickety Wack! Abra Cabra Dabra Nack! (sung) a legend was sung of when England was young, and knights were brave and bold the good King had diedand the one who’d decide who was rightful heir to the thrown. It seemed that the land would be torn by war for saved by a miracle...

1. Excuse me I gotta frisk you! 2. What are you talking a/b? 1. Scuse me sir thats the rules i gotta frisk u. 1. How could you send the man I love up in a glass elevator when you know he’s afraid of heights? 2. How could I know he’s afraid of heights..he’s so tall 1. How’s the language? 2. Well!...

– Do you know how many poor animals they had to kill to make that coat????? – Oh yeah?? Do you know how many rich animals I had to fuck to get this coat????? 1: There’s a woman screaming her head off in Brooks’s apartment. 2: Again?!? Both side now. Fur Protestor: Do you know how many poor animals...

I look back and the camara man is crying – not so much because of my performance although that had something to do with it but because he had is own things going on. Trent: I wish they still had fights in this game so I could bitch-slap Wayne. Mike: What? They don’t have fighting anymore? Trent:...

(1)[turning down a cigarette] Can’t, they smell your breath. (2) Then we better not listen to this music, they may listen to your ears. (Refering to Ottos’ pictures of naked women) (1)what’ll you call those?Cupcake size?2)No cantalope! 1) How do I look? 2) Like Gold. 1) Oh look, it’s Peter’s priss....

…out here it’s kill your parents, fuck your friends, and have a nice day! Shut up, listen, and learn. What do you really want? And now try to follow me, because I’m gonna be moving in a kind of circular motion, so if you pay attention, there will be a point! Avoid women directors. They ovulate. Do...

Here’s to sugar on the strawberries. I thought you were going to dive. Oh, normal mustard wasn’t good enough for Mrs. Merrill. She had to have dijon mustard. Pool by pool, they form a river all the way to our house. There’s no water. This is the day Ned Merrill swims across the county. Thy belly is...

(from the preview) some girls have all the fun (on pager) feel like a dip? And You Know I can’t Wait To Hear That Southern Accent When She’s Screaming My Name ben cronin- i know what you’re doing, no visits, no emails, NOTHING. I’M WITH AMY ben cronin- she killed him ben: Madison, what don’t you...

#1 It smells like moldy ass! #2 oh you know what I left some ass back there last week!! #1: you suck #2: no YOU obviously suck!! (*SLAP*) Don’t be gay in the house of God (1) And where the hell is Jane? We’ve got customers, missy! (2) I’m sorry, Mr. Mooney. I’ll go check upstairs. (1) Jesus Christ!...