Innocent English

(1) Are there problems with a significant other? (2) Yes… (1) Oh? And what kind? (2) I’m not so significant and there is no other 1) Do you have any stress at work? 2) I cut hair. 1) How is your faith these days, Father? 1) [shouting] How is your faith these days? 1) Jesus said…the Kingdom of God...

1) 0Why does Isabel wear Daddy’s underpants? Doesn’t she have underpants of her own? 2) I noticed a whopping pile of laundry sitting on the washer — perhaps Isabel’s underpants are in there… 1) You forgot to wash my purple shirt. I told you a hundred times it was Purple Day at school today. 2) I...

1) …and this must be Joanna. Electroshock? 2) But she’s doing so well. 1) Hello little energizer. 1) That man, Hank…before he tried to kill you he went to see his ex-wife and five of her new boyfriends. He shot all of them. The wife is in critical condition and 2 are on life support. 1. I don’t...

–What are you going to do? –Shouldn’t there be a ‘we’ in that sentence somewhere? …I just want to see the brides face…I just need to see if she is happy… One more cheer for me! Please, I just want to see her face… stella stella That’s all right, what can’t get up can’t get out. you know what they...

Sometimes you just don’t wanna be what your race is supoosed to be. well i met you in the versace store in beverly hills and i was very drunk. Mike: I dont remember. Terry: Good, because i dont remember much also. Actually this is what i wanted to tell you, and my hearts flittering very fast right...

Liberty and union, one and inseparable, now and forever. Sic semper tyrannis! The bringing of the African to America planted the first seed of disunion. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Birth Of A Nation’: Quotes from the movie ‘Birth Of A Nation’

I don’t trust the guy. Everthing’s too interesting to him. I’m scared Birdy, I’m more scared now than in the war. You ever wondered what our lives down here must look like to a bird? Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Birdy’: Quotes from the movie ‘Birdy’

–Dizzy sent you a birthday card. Seems he’s back in town. Do you owe him a phone call? –I owe Dizzy everything…except a phone call. –Do you want a husband or a musician? –They do not separate. The bird has just a little time to flutter. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Bird’: Quotes from the movie...

Ouiser- Yes Annelle I pray!! Well there, I said it…I hope your satisfied. Annelle- I suspected this all along… Ouiser- OH! Well don’t expect me to come to one o’ your churches! One o’ those damn tent revivals with all them Bible beaters doin’ God knows what! They’ll prob’ly make me eat a live...

1/_You and me, we’re 2… that’s a prime number, which makes it a lucky number, and I think we are very very lucky…. [long pause] 2/_Just tell me you love me, you pussy A warlord tripped and fell on his warhead and we were never there He’s selected a target. I bow down before the superiority of the...

(yelling,throwing golf clubs) You, Slept, With, My, Prom, Date!!! 1. You had sex with my prom date! 2. She wasn’t your prom date. 1. Not after you had sex with her! Bill, be my friend. BE MY FRIEND! I love you Billy boy… I wish Katie were here, she’s the one that got me to start playing again. Look...

(Duff is taking a chainsaw to a bush) John: Dont you think your taking a little too much off the top? Duff: I think I know what im doing John. Im tapering it so the sun rays reach the lower leaves during the growing season (continues chainsawing)John: What about this string? Duff: The string is a...

1) Teach her to dance. 2) There aint nothin’ wrong wit her dancin’. 1) You know what I wanna do? 2) What? 1) I wanna strut! An accent doesn’t make you intelligent if it did you’d be Einstein. Any messages? Breakout. Did you hear the way she talks? It’s so intelligent-like…I love it! DIRECTOR: I...

…so we decided to see what would happen if we went up to a complete stranger and told her that her husband was dead! 1. Any last requests? 2. Yeah. How about the long version of ‘Stairway to Heaven’. 1. I’m afraid that is not where you are going. 1. How come he dresses like a woman? 2. I do that...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Big Trouble There were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits’ end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest...

1) Hey, d’you want me to drive? 2) Nah. I’d have to look out the window… getting up in the morning i feel like i am pulling my socks over my shoes I’m a cop! I’m a fuckin’ Judas cop.. terry meet finn Terry meet Flynn Terry, you’re missing the point here. I drink so I don’t remember things, that’s...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Bible Riddles Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and...

Here’s another good inspirational story: Atheist In The Woods An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the accident of evolution had created. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river he heard a...

–I’ve been around. –Does that mean you’re a bad girl? 1) Biggest boar in the world, I bet! 2) All depends on how you spell it! 1. Abel Frake I will not put liquer into my cooking! 2. Making mince meat without Brandy? No such thing All I know, all I owe, I owe Ioway. I owe Ioway all I owe and I know...