Innocent English

Hula teacher: Lilo, why are you late? Lilo: It’s Thursday! *Teacher gives Lilo a weird look* Lilo: *sigh* Every Thursday, I give Pudge the fish a sandwich, but we were out of peanut butter! Hula teacher: Pudge is a….fish? Lilo: So I asked my sister what I should give him, and she said tuna. I can’t...

-Pretend like I’m saying something funny, cause people are watching! -HAHAHAHAHAHA 1. Do you think i would hesitate to kill you and every FBI agent in this room? 2. no, but your boys will. Give them the order, general, make young murderers out of these kids, give the order, GIVE THEM THE ORDER,...

–Do you have any idea what he’s been saying to her? –He’s an actor, so it can’t be good. –Now the cards are on the table. –Yes, they are. –What’s the title? –The Day After Yesterday. –Oh…you mean today? –Why didn’t I get hurt? –You were wearing your seatbelt. -If they want to drink Merlot, we’re...

-Is it in? -no……well maybe. -Sid! What are you doing? You could be really Shinning out! But what, you’re just wankin’ off! -Wankin! 1. He’s not a dwarf, Sid, he’s a boy. 2. Oh whaddyou know? Little kids don’t dress like that. 1. Where are you going? 2. Don’t you want me to go? 3. No, I don’t want...

McCain Jokes: Here are some good John Mccain Jokes from David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson, and others. Barack Obama said today that he is going to fight for votes in all 50 states. Yeah. That’s what he said. Meanwhile, John McCain said he’s going to fight for votes in all 13...

As soon as I get old enough, I’m going to join the Foreign Legion. I didn’t steal the Blue Water. I may kill half of you in training…but the half that lives will be soldiers, I promise you! That? That’s a Viking’s funereal. You’ll get a chance yet to die with your boots on! Page Topic: Movie Quotes...

1) It was YOU who was firstborn, and it is YOU who should be king! 2) Train (name) well and he will make a fine king. FIGHT to the TOP!! I am (name) of the Emerites. S: There ARE no more Emerites! i have my eyes, my cunning, and now, my strength This came from no slave girl! Page Topic: Movie...

Boys from the city. Not yet caught by the whirlwind of Progress. Feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs. Flag on the Moon – how did it get there? Randy, is that water down there? Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Beast of Yucca Flats, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Beast of Yucca Flats, The’

–Mind if I ask you some questions? –Sure, if you don’t ask them in Yiddish. If a guy hasn’t got the strength to go straight, he turns yellow inside. This town is as rotten as an open grave. Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Beast of the City, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Beast of the City, The’

(call waiting beeps) screw:is that yours or mine? killer:ignore it i have voice mail (music begins)VOICEOVER(singing):You’ll have a fresh attitude, when you’re holding the knife,with mentals fresh and full of life, lady luck will lift you up,when you’re sporting fresh breath before you strike....

(Said by Donkey, about Puss) Let’s neuter him, Bob Barker style. 1) Catnip! 2) Oh…thas not mine! 1) I have misjudged you 2) Join the club. We’ve got jackets 1) Is that glitter on your lips? 2)Cherry flavored; want a taste? 1) Shrek? 2) For you, baby, I could be! 1)I’ll be your true love 2) No I’ll...

Here’s another good inspirational stories. A touching story about life called:Â Every Day Life If I knew it would be the last time That I’d see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the...

Welcome to Duloc Such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don’t make waves Stay in line And we’ll get along fine Duloc is a perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes Wipe your… FACE. Duloc is, Duloc is Duloc is a perfect… place. Donkey: Wow. Let’s do that...

Here’s another of many good inspirational stories: Attitude Determines Attitude I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have. Today I can...

Here’s another of many good inspirational stories: The Road Not Taken Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having...

-My ex and I were on the rocks. And my marriage counselor said I needed to take up a hobby. -How come you never got good at it? -Well, it’s kind of like you and police work. I never took it that seriously. -This is your house? -No, this is my batcave. There’s a tunnel in here leading to my...

$50? You got no self esteem, baby. You are one fantastic fuck! ‘Aww… come on Nomi… you can show off your nails… they’ll all be so jealous. 1. Do you like Crystal? 2. I like a lot of champagnes, but I always stick to champagne. An M.B.A. is a degree you pick up in college. Its mostly worthless in...

Can’t help lovin’ dat man. Everything can be temporary…except us. Hap———–PY New Year! I gets weary, and sick of tryin’. I’m tired of livin’, and scared of dyin’! I might fall back on you. It’s Saturday night forever! Madam, your courtesy is only exceeded by your charm. Pride is smaller than...

–And..there were your fingerprints! –Well, why not? It’s my house. I’ve often been in that closet. –For what reason? –Last time was moths. –Meuths? –Moths! –Yes, meuths. –He beat her. –He was Spanish! –He tore her dress off. –Would you kill someone who tore your dress off? –I am here on official...